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How do I tell them to stop smoking in front of my children and I?

Ok first let me clear this up, I have no probelm with people that smoke. Thats your life and your decision, but I hate when people smoke around me! I hate going to dinner and tasting smoke! Im sick of it!

My dad is the worst. He always smokes in front of my daughter and I, and up until now, I have put up with it. He came over the other day and took my DD and I to lunch. He sat in the smoking section, even though I ask him if we could sit in non smoking, and when I was having an asmatha attack, he blew it in my face! Not to mention Im 9 months pregnant. And yes, I was thankful for the lunch that he bought me, that wasn't the point.

How, after 20 years of my life, do I tell my dad that Im not going to put up with his smoking in front of me? How do I tell him in a nice way that I refuse to go anywhere with him if he is going to be smoking? And how do I tell him my kids won't be coming to his house alone?

I need advice


Asked by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Oct. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • Just flat out tell him. You do not want to be around it and you do not want your daughter and soon-to-be born child to be around it either.

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 9:23 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Yes...I am a smoker and I never smoke near my daughter...if we are in the car, I will park the car and get out and have my cig away from her young and fragile lungs....when I was pregnant I tried so hard to quit and was able to stop ( mostly ..I rationed 3 half cigs per day MAX )....maybe try to approach your dad in a respectful way and help him understand the obvious concern you nee to put your foot down...I uderstand that it can be a touchy situation but this is about your children.....GOOD not feel bad , you are putting the welfare of your children first.....all the best :) :)

    Answer by Danickasmom at 9:26 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • I had that problem when my son was born and I just told them. Everyone respected it and to this day 16 years later, they still do Be honest they will respect you for it.

    Answer by ayers65 at 9:26 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • __OP here__

    I have tried to tell him nicely several times. His responce is "We (my dad and STEP mother) smoked in front of you and your brother all the time and you are fine." Then I try to explain my horrible asmatha and lung disorders that came from them. He tells me "Drs don't know anything, you don't have asmatha or anything else that came from smoke."

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Thats one reason I love being in GA. No smoking ANYWHERE public thats indoors and allows children. I also do not allow smoking in my home. My house my rules. Wish I had some advice for you though

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Since you have already asked several times in a polite manner, I would say to put your foot down.  "Dad, this is not acceptable to me anymore".  Etc.  End of conversation.  If he doesn't respect that, then thats his problem.  Whether smoking caused asthma for you or not is not the point and I would avoid mentioning it again since he seems to believe that he knows more than Dr.s do.  The point is that you don't want to be around cigarette smoke, so don't be around it. 


    Answer by Katrina3016 at 9:32 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • __OP HERE__

    Anon :31, I can't wait until they pass the anti smoking ban in all the public places where I am at! There are a lot of places that have done it by choice, but its not required everywhere yet. Im crossing my fingers that its soon!!!

    They (dad and step mom) don't smoke in my house, but on several occassions they have started smoking in my car while we were all going somewhere, and I about lost it

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • hmmmm...I see your reasoning with him ( he knows better than the doctors, seems old school...I understand my family can be like that lol )....simply set the rules them and ask/demand that he respects it...this is what you want and what you feel is best for your children....just because something was always done one way does NOT make it right....good make the rules!!!!

    Answer by Danickasmom at 9:38 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Just tell him that you will not tolerate him disrespecting your health and that of your children. I'm allergic to smoke and my parents almost killed me with their smoking. My dad stopped and my mom finally figured out I wasn't just complaining. My throat was closing up. No one has the right to harm others like that especially their children. btw, my mom died of lung cancer.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:26 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • __OP HERE__

    Thanks ladies. I guess I have always been scared of my dad, and to scared to tell him how I feel.
    Not to mention the fact that he really doesn't listen because the world revolves around him *Rolls Eyes*. My mom said he was the same way 20 years ago when she was married to him.

    And admckenzie, im very sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my great grandmother to 2nd lung cancer as well, 3 days before my 7th birthday. So thats always been a big reason that im not a smoker. (yes I have done it a few times in my life, but I wanted to be "cool" and fit in. Wow was I dumb.)

    Anyway, I think its going to come down to him either stopping the smoking in front of me, or he just won't see me or my kids. He always asks "Why has she never got to spend the night here" and there is his reason.

    Wish me luck. This is really hard for me, I have never stood up to him, and im a nervous wreck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on Oct. 11, 2009