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I need major advice for my 12 year old daughter!

My 12 year old daughter just cussed in front of me. She let it slip so I know she is cussing when she is at school or not around me or my family. I do not approve of this. She lies constantly to me about even the smallest thing. She has anger issues and tells her grandpa that she just feels like breaking things sometimes...that it makes her feel better. She protests when I ask her to help with household chores, or helping me with her 4 month old brother. My husband (her step dad) left us when I was 2 months pregnant. He really hurt us, but I don't know why she would be upset about him being gone. When she was 7 I got together with her step dad and she did not want us together. She was jealous of him; so when he left us I thought she would like it that way better. I am at a loss as to how to help her, or what is causing this. She has weight issues; she is 5'3 weighs 160 and wears a size 10 shoe in womens. Help!

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Asked by linemans_wyf at 11:05 PM on Oct. 11, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (7)
  • I am a single mom now, going to school full time, no job, no money coming in regularly now. We have been staying with my dad who fusses at us and cusses us constantly. My daughter hates that too, and has been getting very vocal about it. She has a mouth on her, I just don't know what to do with her.

    Answer by linemans_wyf at 11:07 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Honestly that sounds exactly like me when I was her age. Minus the step dad and much younger brother. But i also had anger issues and felt like breaking things, had weight issues, disobeyed my parents didnt help with anything ect. But honestly the only thing that really helped me was getting into sports and activities, and once i turned 16 i got a job and that helped as well. Maybe her step dad leaving bothered her more than you think. Maybe try to get to her visit a counselor for a couple sessions and see how it goes. Also get her a journal. She might not even act like she will do it but if she gets into it it will really help her too. I would just leave it on her pillow to find. That way your not making a big deal out of it . As for the cussing i dont really know there is anything you can do about it except if she says it infront of you. Also get a babysitter and make it a habit of spending time goig shopping or something

    Answer by OliviasMommy614 at 11:10 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • or just og to a park do something that so she feels like she is important. Maybe she is just feeling left out or not important. How about making a list for her and putting it on the fridge and rewarding her some how for doing the chores. Hope this helps :)

    Answer by OliviasMommy614 at 11:14 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • if she has pent up anger inside, something is upsetting her and maybe it would be a good idea to have her talk with a therapist. i would def. try to stop the behavior issues now so they dont get worse. i can relate to her as a tween/teen and i ended up doing some real stupid things trying to hide my pain i felt inside.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Wow. That is a lot for a 12 year old to handle. I would swear too. Take her to counseling and discuss this with her doctor. Talk to her about appropriate "anger words" My kids say "razzlefrazzlezagabadawitz."

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I am in the same situation where there is a difference of 7 years between my daughter and my son. My daughter being the oldest. I recently got a divorace from her step dad and my daughter seems to be doing better. She was not respected by her step dad and constantly was fussed at because we lived with his mom. Our son never seemed to do anything wrong and my daughter constantly got blamed for it. Now that I have left I found out that my son does do things that gets his sister in trouble. My daughter never cussed at me, but i thinks she blames me for my marriage. My next step for my daughter is a therpist because she has closed herself off to me. I try my best to make her happy but nothing seems to work.

    Answer by pookie606 at 3:34 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Well I am a foster parent and have been for yrs. now and what I have found that works for me is to sit the child down and talk to them not like a little kid.That just makes them mad.Sometimes they are feeling left out or like their not important.Or in this case maybe she is blaming her self for her stepdad being gone.Like some other people said try spend some alone time with just you and her.Ask her what she thinks about things that she can have an input on.She can't on every thing but if she can then let her.Sometimes kids don't have an control over their own life so they will take control over anything they can and that might be why she is cussing because she knows really there's not much you can do about it.I hope this helps you. Most of all let her know you love her and are always there for her no matter what else is going on she can always come talk to you.

    Answer by 7399kristal at 8:21 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

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