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How can i tell my 11 yr old stepson to pick up after him when he comes to spend his weekends with us. he visits only 2 wkends a mth.

My husband's ex has full custody of his 11yr old and we have him only 2wkends a month. When he's home, it feels like a tornado has hit our home. He doesnt pick up after himself and theres a trail of candy wrappers, empty soda bottles, clothes scattered all over the place. I have tried telling him to pick up after himself but he doesnt listen to me.

Doesnt listen to his dad either(daddy spolls him). i dont know how to make him listen to me.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Jun. 24, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (2)
  • He could be testing you both. Is he like this at home with his mother? My stepson used to try that all the time. Lived with his mom and came to visit us during the summer and on vacations. Other times when possible. I did see him playing mom against dad a lot. Don't be afraid to set some boundries. He will test you to see how far he can get. Don't wait for it to get out of hand. My stepson just turned 24 and we all get along so well together now. He needs time to adjust as well as you do. Hope this helps. Like I said. Set some boundries and let him know what you expect. You run the house not him. His mom may or may not like it and that is her choice but it is NOT her house.
    Let me know if this helps.
    FishermansGal

    Answer by FishermansGal at 10:16 AM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • Sit down with him (take him to McDonalds, etc) and tell him that you want to ask for his help with the problem. Tell him you don't want to keep reminding him to pick up things. Say, how about we have an agreement that if he won't leave things around the living room, you won't say anything about how the bedroom looks, when it's time to go home, he straightens up. Then seriously look the other way. Because he'll be watching to see if you fault him for one little wrapper, etc.Praise him for the good stuff, and try to ignore the bad. You're trying to set up communication. Try to listen more than talk. He is looking for ways to compare you to his mom-with you coming up on the short end. Don't say-do you do this at your mothers? My step-children are now grown. It was hard, I bit my tongue a lot.They tell me the best thing I did was never saying anything bad about their mother , and treating them more like I was the parent of one of their friends instead of their mother.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 10:40 AM on Jun. 24, 2008

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