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Will I ever feel different?

I've been with this guy for a while now, he's the first guy I dated after my divorce, but we have kept it casual. I have to admit, sometimes he wasn't very good to me, I mean he was never physically abusive but I think he could have been, but verbally he could be horrible. I hate myself for going around him even though I knew how he was, but I was so lonely I just wanted to be with someone. Now I'm starting to hate myself and him, and the thoughts of sex make me gag. I don't want to be like this, I love the thought of being in love and being with someone who makes me happy, I'm afraid because of this one rotten relationship I'm ruined. I just don't know what to do anymore.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:29 AM on Oct. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You really need to break it off with him. It sounds like you felt like after the divorce you just wanted to date ANYONE and you may not have been able to get someone else. You really are worth more and deserve better. Think of him like a bridge---a bridge to someone better, and now it may be time to move on. (for yourself and your child or children as well) You deserve it.
    CoCoMom89

    Answer by CoCoMom89 at 8:34 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Sounds like you got with him on the rebound. Seriously though you don't love him so get up & leave. You need to be happy & it is not with him. I'm sure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • *Op* That's just the thing, I think for some stupid reason I do love him, because I cry over him and miss him when I can't see him. I think I'm royally screwed up!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • You think you love him but deep down you don't. He was just a rebound guy. Someone there because you needed someone when you did not. You need to leave before he starts hitting you & then even worse things happens.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • *OP* again....I'm so mad at myself. You know, I'm 31 years old, it's not like I'm an inexperienced teenager or something. I know better and I think deep down I know I deserve better, but just can't seem to apply that to my life! I have one stepdaughter that I raised, so basically she is my daughter, but no other children, and she has never met this guy so he's not affecting her, but he sure is affecting me. I wonder if some men get off on making women feel bad about themselves. Then sometimes I feel sorry for him....WTH?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I have to agree with the Anonymous poster. He was a rebound guy that was available. Deep down you don't truly love him. You said yourself he has been verbally abusive, well guess what that can lead to physical abuse. Just get out while you can before it is to late. You are going to end up regretting it big time if you don't leave. Good Luck!
    itsallabtthem84

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 8:53 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I'm sorry, but I don't think you're in love with him. I think you're in love with the IDEA of being in love, and, since he's the one that's handy right now, you're focusing all of that energy in that direction, wanting to be in love with him, because you want to be in love with SOMEONE - anyone - and he's there.

    I DON'T mean that in a mean way! It's understandable, you don't want to be alone, and we all want to be loved and to give love to someone else.

    But look at it like this - if you're looking for shoes, do you shove your feet into the first pair that you see, ignoring the fact that they pinch your toes, rub blisters on your heels, and, generally speaking are the ugliest things you've ever seen - but hey - they're shoes! -Or- do you say, ok, I tried this pair on, but they don't fit. No biggie - back on the shelf they go - there's a whole store full of other sizes and styles, and keep looking for a better fit?
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:05 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • You will always be stuck if you don't at least try to get out and meet others. What you are going through is NOT LOVE. It's a combination of obsession, control, low self esteem and relationship addiction where you find excuses not to leave an unhealthy relationship usually out of fear of not having anyone in your life. Go find more men & compare. THEN if you decide you want to be with a verbally abusive man who is mean to you then by all means go back to him and enjoy the torment.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:08 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • "But look at it like this - if you're looking for shoes, do you shove your feet into the first pair that you see, ignoring the fact that they pinch your toes, rub blisters on your heels, and, generally speaking are the ugliest things you've ever seen - but hey - they're shoes! -Or- do you say, ok, I tried this pair on, but they don't fit. No biggie - back on the shelf they go - there's a whole store full of other sizes and styles, and keep looking for a better fit?"

    I lOVE that analogy. You wouldn't keep a pair of shoes that hurt and didn't fit right just so you can say you have shoes.

    Also, get the book "He's Just Not That Into You". It's an easy read. It should show you what's wrong with this picture and help you see how worthy you are of better things. Don't settle. Life's too short.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • *OP* That's so funny you said that, because I do have that book and I saw the movie. I wish I could apply it to my life, because he's not that into me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

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