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How many of you have a "BEST" friend, besides your husband?

I'm asking because, i don't really have one. Well, i do kind of. He's a guy & we've been great friends since elementary school. Although, he lives 1,000 miles away & we only see him when he comes to visit DH & I maybe once a year. We don't talk on the phone, he's a guy, he doesn't "talk" like most women friends would. But, i mean like, someone whom you trust %100 & tell everything too. Someone who's shoulder you can cry on, & she/he's more than happy to let you.

I have a friend, whom i'd like to call my best friend. BUT, she already has one that also lives 1,000's of miles away. I tell her everything, i have cried to her, i have done her super favors. But, when her "best" friend comes to town, I'm chop liver. She asks me to watch ger kid so her & her best friend can go out. When her friend is here, and for like a month after she leaves, she totally ignors me. Is it normal to be jealous of them?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Oct. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • my BFF ive know her since kindergarden so over 20 years now :)

    Answer by alcnic55448 at 8:48 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Her best friend wont give me the time of day. They both hang out & ignor me. It hurts that someone whom i feel so close with, can so easily not realise I'm alive when this other person comes around. Sometimes i feel like i don't have a best friend. I want one so bad. Someone that i can laugh with, can cry with, can go out w/ & be myself with. This person is only my best friend when her other best friend is not around. I sometimes feel taken advantage of. Like, she is only my friend when it benefits her ya know?

    OP Here

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Same here, I've had the same best friend for almost 31 years now, I have pics of us at her first bday party. So really she's more like family. But I also have other great friends I can go to if I need them. I'm sorry, it must suck not having a friend you can confide in, because everyone needs that. I hope you make some good friends, you deserve it!

    Answer by jillisue808 at 8:51 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • This is sad, OP, she really doesn't sound like a best friend to me, she sounds like a manipulator who just uses you.

    I have a best friend. She lives in another state. We went to college together, were in each other's weddings, had children about the same time, call and write and email all the time.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:53 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • OP here,

    Making friends gets a lot harder when you grow up. After my divorce some years back, they all dropped like flies. My DH is my best friend in reality, but sometimes i would like a female that i can tell everything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • My best friend is a friend I've known for my entire life. She knows my history, my family, and I know hers. She's more like family to me (my kids call her 'Auntie.') However I can't say I tell her 'everything'- there are another couple of friends who I would be more likely to be completely honest to, mainly because my best friend and I have very different life situations (I'm a mom of three, she is happily single with no kids.) It's hard not having someone to go to, but I would try to enjoy friendships as they come and not feel you need to attach a 'best friend' label to it. Sometimes relationships are not so cut and dried, and you can have a good friend who also has other friends without that taking away from you. JMO!

    Answer by Freela at 8:56 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I think the way your friend treats you when her other friend is here is pretty crappy. But, on the other hand, the friend who lives far away, and the friend in question, might be looking at it like "you get to have all this time for the 2 of you together, and they only get so much time..." Maybe she doesn't mean it in a rude or mean way - just more that she's being thoughtless and inconsiderate. Have you tried talking to her about how she seems to blow you off after her other friend leaves? Or, simply not been available for child care for them to go out?

    I do have to say though, while I have friends and people I'm friendly with, I also have a handful of very close "best friends". None of them live near me. All are special in their own way, and some of them are friends with each other as well, but several of them don't know each other at all.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:58 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I have a best friend -- and sometimes I feel guilty because she knows more about me than DH. We live in the same state, but on opposite ends. She is the one I go to with everything. I agree with a PP that this girl doesn't sound like a true best friend, ignoring someone that you care about isn't the way BFF's treat each other. As we get older it's harder to find new friends, especially people to be close with on that kind of a level.

    Answer by MamaChanny at 8:58 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • cont

    But it's not a matter of one "best friend" or "this friend is more important than that one". I think friends are less like spouses in the sense that most of us can only love one at a time, and more like children, we can have several and love them all equally, but in different ways because they are all different people.

    Maybe it would be a good idea to try some things to sort of expand your friend list so you aren't just counting on her, or your friend who's so far away, to meet all of your friend needs :-)

    gl! :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:00 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Sometimes i think the label "best" friends, is a bit immature & unfare. Is it normal & OK to be telling all your other friends about your "best" friend? I think it sounds rude whenever i here her say "my best friend this" "my best friend that" i just feel like a loser. My so called best freind is best friends w/ someone else. I kind of feel like "the other woman"!


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

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