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What do you do when you want another baby and your husband doesn't?

My husband & I have been married for 8 years and have a beautiful little boy that will be 2 this month. After convincing him 6 years into our relationship that it was finally time to have a child, our pregnancy and the first few months of our son's life were very hard (bedrest 3 1/2 months, medical problems, along with the sleep deprivation, etc). He told me years ago that he only wanted 1, but I have always wanted two. Do I count my blessings now and settle with just one, or try to talk to him and let him know how much this means to me? I don't know what to do or say. I'm tired of nagging and don't want to have a 2nd child by way of nagging him into agreeing with me. What do you all think and what would you do?

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Liamsmom1024

Asked by Liamsmom1024 at 12:32 PM on Oct. 12, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (29)
  • Well, if he told you years ago that he only wanted 1, then you were forewarned. If he only wants one, you can't force him into another...I'm sure that there will be someone who suggests that you 'accidentally' get pregnant...I wouldn't as that is manipulative and can severely damage his trust in you...I'd say, sit and talk about it and find out why he only wants one...if there are some arguements that can be logically made to back up having another, you can go that route, but in the end, if he only wants one, you will just have to satisfy yourself with getting your only child all that he desires.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:35 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • i would definatly talk to him if i was you. i would say, yano i understand you only want one, but i want two and since theres really no way to compromise for eachother, why dont we think about our son? how do you think hes going to feel growing up an only child with no brother or sisters to play with, or to have holidays with, or to be his childrens uncles & aunts and maybe then he will stop being selfish and realize having another would be whats best for you, his child, and him if he cares about the both of you.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 12:38 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • get a pet, like a dog or a cat
    mandielynn23

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 12:39 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Probably hubby's worried about your health and new baby's considering your last pregnancy. I'd make a list of why the pregnancy was tough for you and for your ds. And think of what your husband went through himself while you were not well. Also, between the two of you think if you're a one income family or two and how steady is/are jobs for your family?

    Some men just aren't nurturing hands on fathers, mine's tough. You have every right to talk to your husband about this. I'd let him know you want to talk, maybe set a timer as practice and practice saying your words of reasoning with your first pregnancy within that timer. You want to be calm and loving with this talk and keep it short. When men don't want something they shut down pretty fast. When different times are right he's relaxed after work, you've at the same time had a relaxing day with ds then for a few minutes bring it up -hey hon your thoughts?
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 12:48 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • i would do my very best to explain to him how deeply i felt. make this like a one time thing. say tomorrow night i really want to have a long talk with you. he might cringe but tell him it's really important. the 2 of you talk about how important it is. for you how important it is to have another child, for him how important it is to not. if after this discussion, he is still set on just the one, at least that way you can move on. grieve isn't exactly the word, but just let it set in that you will have your 1 wonderful child and never any more. don't go on wondering if he will ever change his mind because then you will go crazy, & like you said, probably drive him crazy too. this way you can move on and enjoy your family as it is. or maybe after your heart-to-heart, he will think you are right.... good luck!

    maybe he still would change his mind in a couple of years but DO NOT count on it. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I agree with Purpul butterfly!!!
    mamie2shoes

    Answer by mamie2shoes at 1:07 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • btw it was really hard for my hubby (and me!) to decide we wanted to have a 2nd because our son slept horrible for almost a year and a half!!! now that we are a few months out from that, we have both decided we would like a 2nd one day. so like i say, he *might* change his mind, but it's best to just pretend that it's a 0% chance so you can go on living your life and enjoy your family. gl!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • a 2nd one *some*day
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I would definitely sit him down & talk about it because it sounds like there's no way you can just bottle that up. If he is worried about how you will be able to take the pregnancy, tell him you're not worried & that you will deal with the hard part. If it was the baby thing he had a hard time with, remind him they aren't babies for long. Surely he sees how fast it went for your child. Was he an only child? That was my main reasons for wanting two. I had a brother, and I knew how awful I would've thought it was without a sibling. If your husband doesn't buy it now, maybe when your son is a little older, he will change his mind.
    flowrchild77

    Answer by flowrchild77 at 1:19 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • HE told you he only wanted one child. I would never nag that would be just wrong. Just sit down and tell how you feel. And if he says no enjoy what you have and do not waste your time moping around.

    I wanted more but he did not so I enjoyed what I have.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 1:33 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

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