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how do I tell my SIL that i do not want anything to do with her.

About 2 years ago, my brother wanted a motorcycle. His wife brought her one against my family wished. Well, he died while riding that damn things. I am so mad. if she had not brought it for him; i would still have my lil brother. now all she talked about is the insurance money,

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Oct. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • You know what, that is not her fault. I am sorry for your loss but you are placing blame in the wrong place. She bought it for HER husband and obviously he wanted it. It was a horrible accident, but just that, an ACCIDENT. If you do that, I hope her and your brother didn't have children together.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Do not be angry with you SIL . Your bro wanted the motorcycle, that is what made him happy. The family had nothing to say about it. I'm sorry he died, but I'm sure if he did not die he would of got back on the bike.

    "It is better to die doing something you LOVE than dying siting at home dreaming on what you wish you could of done"

    sorry for you pain.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 6:19 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Sorry for you...but she did not make him ride...as for the money, maybe she is worried about the bills that have been left behind since he is gone.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 6:20 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • You are taking your anger out on your SIL and thats not fair to either of you.
    Your anger only truly hurts you and until you can let go of it and let your brothers death bring happy memories and some peace then it will eventually destroy you.

    If you want nothing to do with her just tell her so and why.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 6:23 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • sorry for you lost, but you lil bro were happy with that motocycle. if you dont want anything to do with is you choice but she still you sil dont blame in her it was not her fault it was an accident ....
    zip10469

    Answer by zip10469 at 6:25 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I don't know your SIL, & she may be a selfish person, if you don't want anything to do with her that's fine, but I hope you don't blame her for your brother's death.

    Your brother was old enough to make his own decisions, & though your family could tell him how they felt, he was an adult, & made his own choice. If she hadn't bought it for him, he could have bought 1 himself. She gave him what he wanted.

    I have a friend who died in a car accident, should her parents be blamed for letting her have a car? In high school, 2 brother's I was friends with took flying lessons, & their parents gave them a plane for graduation, they died in that plane just weeks before the younger 1 was to graduate with me. We have to let people live their lives.

    Forgive your SIL, whether you choose to have a relationship or not. And consider if this is how your brother would want you to treat his widow? I am sorry you lost your brother......
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:31 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • In death we sometimes want to blame somebody,so the hurt can go away,your SIL brought him that motorcycle because he wanted it,and she loved him.Her being concern about the insurance have nothing to do with it. If,you really loved your brother,show it by loving his wife and kids,show it by standing by her now,you all need here other now.I am so sorry for your loss,may God give you comfort.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Sweetheart, this is going to be hard to hear............BUT there is nothing wrong with the fact that your brother's wife bought him a gift that he very much wanted. You are hurt and you are lashing out looking for someone to blame for the loss of your brother. You haven't told us the details of his accident. For my husband, his death was no one's fault but his own. I could say if he hadn't bought that truck, if he'd only been driving a different vehicle. My MIL can say if she and his dad hadn't divorced. Anyone can say anything they want but ultimately it is no one's "fault" other than the cause of the accident. Believe me, I find motorcycles scary. DF has one, but I have come to terms with it like this....He knows the risks posed to him on a motorcycle, he chooses to ride anyway because he LOVES it and he has made that free will choice to do so. There's nothing more I can do other than pray for him everytime he leaves.
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 6:50 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I am sorry your brother died. My brother died as well and it is very difficult loss when you loose a sibling. But it really isn't her fault. He was a grown man, could make up his own mind, he wanted the motorcycle....he road it....it was an accident. Anger and blaming others is a normal stage in grief and you may feel like you can't be angry at your brother so that really just leaves her. In the end it is up to you if you want to give her the big Fuck Off. That is your choice. If you have nieces or nephews I would think twice about that. If you want to stay a significant part of their lives then you do have to be civil, not blame her, and slowly mend your heart. I do KNOW from first hand experience how we never completely heal but we do learn to find a new normal. It is also difficult to watch your parents grieve. You have choices but blaming his accident on her won't bring him back.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:59 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • You have to stop blaming her. She is probably just as hurt as you are. She bought her husband a gift. I have a little brother who rolled a dirt bike and broke his clavical. He could have died had he not left go of the bike. He was 15 and knew what he was doing at the time. I would have been devestated but in the long run, it would not have been his mother's fault for buying the bike. It would have been an accident.
    OneToughMami

    Answer by OneToughMami at 7:05 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

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