Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Since when does a bj not count as sex?

The other day I walked in and heard my niece and some of her friends talking about some girls from school giving "bj's" at the last school dance. I was shocked and started asking questions (who, what, when...). They basically told me that most girls do it because it's not "really sex"! Are you freaking kidding me? What the hell is going on with kids today? I seriously don't know how to handle this, any advice?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Oct. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Worse than that goes on with kids and sex now, many have decided that anything other than vaginal penetration isnt sex.....very scary thought I know. Well, you did the right thing by asking questions but did you also follow up with some education? Like all of that IS SEX!!! They can still get diseases this way, many teens are now affected by syphallis (spelling, sorry) ORALLY because of this "not really sex" The biggest thing you need to do is educate your kids about all aspects of sex, including oral, oh, and according to some kids now, it is also ok for them to have anal sex, its not really sex, so dont be surprised if you hear that too! Im an abstinence and education teaching mom when it comes to my kids and sex, they are hearing it all from me and that seems to be working pretty well, I am very open and honest and it seems to be effective.

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 11:13 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I forgot to mention that my niece and her friends are only 13 years old.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Since the Clinton administration. I was in high school when Clinton said that oral sex with Monica was not "sexual relations." It really had an impact on our society. My classmates started handing out BJ's like they were candy.

    I also saw that behavior when I was teaching high school 5 years ago. Sometimes teens got caught between classes giving BJ's in the parking lot at school.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 11:18 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Yeah I was shocked when my now 16 yo son informed me of this a couple f years ago! I just keep telling him that oral sex IS sex it's right in the word and he keeps telling me "well President Clinton said it's not"! Honestly that is his answer! Just keep talking and asking questions and telling them what your views are and hope it gets in there somehow.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:19 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • i didn't consider it sex when i was a high schooler. in fact that is how i kept my virginity until i was 18 and engaged. I was raised very strict Baptist and my theory was that since it wasn't mentioned in the bible as wrong it wasn't.

    Answer by mamak57 at 11:25 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • After thought..... my daughter, who is also 13, informed me that several girls in surrounding schools (small town America) have a "goal list" of what sexual acts they are going to do over said weekend!!! Its very scary to think that kids have goals for this sort of thing and makes me wonder where the parents are while these girls are making the "to do" list. Also, a lot of boys are still using the Ill be with you forever if you let me do this, and of course, we know they dont stay with the girls..... Its sad and scary and they need to be educated ( about sex and love and everything in between) And I hope that all dont think because it isnt in the Bible it must be ok...... thats just not a good way to look at it at all

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 11:54 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • OMG.....I didn't even know what oral sex was until i was about 23 and a friend who thought I was way too innocent explained it to me. I was shocked.
    NOW girls are setting goals? And they think it is not sex? Oh ....I am so horrifeid. It makes me afraid for the kids. Really afraid. WHERE are their parents? Do they not want their girls to grow up in a healthy way? It is sad.....

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 12:09 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Oral sex is mentioned in the bible, read Songs of Solomon very carefully & you will see that it mentions pleasing/exploring each others bodies with their mouths. God is so good!
    Also, in the bible it mentions to stay away from fornication, which is ANY sexual thing outside of marriage. Adultry is any sexual thing after you have committed your life in marriage to another. Sex is a wedding gift from God for us to enjoy throughout our married life with our spouse.
    These girls understand that men only want one thing & now they give it to them with the attitude of 'whatever'. They have turned the game around & it is very sad. Girls are throwing themselves on boys at very young ages.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Well, that's fine. Song of Solomon? And does that mean it is okay for teens to have oral sex? I think NOT,
    It is like a game---they are "filling a square " on their list of things to do. A check list for sex? That is so disgusting! Sex ...any kind of sex...belongs in marriage,IMO.

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 4:08 PM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Lindalu2, did you read the second paragraph in my comment? It states that ANY sex outside of marriage is wrong. No where was I saying that oral sex for teens is okay. My first paragraph was due to somebody mentioning that 'because it is not mentioned in the bible they think it is okay'.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on Oct. 14, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.