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i feel like a bum kid/new mom need to get my act together and figure out something to help contribute but dont know how. please no bashing i feel horrible enough as it is no sympathy either just advice! plz!

Im 18, got married with my hubby 5 days after i turned 18 (hes 20), and just had my daughter 10 days ago.. we WERE doing outstanding financially. Till hubby got laid off without notice 2 days before we had our baby girl.. We lived in our own apartment and paid all of our bills our selfs while i was pregnant, about 300 miles north from our family (were the job offer was,we miss home though). We were living with his mom.. and now get to move back there before Halloween, she is the only one working with5 adults already mooching off of her and now us three get to go make it even harder... of course we are both looking for jobs but that still takes time.. and i feel like we might be a bit overwhelming for her even though she is INSISTING we come home...(not like we have a choice) my husband is in the national guard (one weekend a month thing) so active army isnt an option for HIM.. i suggested me joining in january (cont in comment

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Oct. 13, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (18)
  • Active army that way i would be home from basic right before he gets deployed to Iraq.. he doesn't like that idea at all and even i dont wanna join right now id miss my baby to much ( but i have to do something right?). I just feel so scared and like a dead beat kid going back to mooch off of "mom and dad" i know they cant afford to help us out they way they are offering but we dont have a choice, me and my husband have been looking for jobs back at home before we get there non stop but NOTHING,we have bills that are gonna be left unpaid,medi-cal screwed us so i have to stress out about fixing that b4 we go, trying to find jobs, and taking care of a newborn with no experience or help is killing me! none of this was expected his job was supposed to be permanent but of course it was a national guard warehouse job so yeah they can screw us over like that.i just need advice or to hear something GOOD i dont wanna stress hubby more.

    Answer by armymum1013 at 9:38 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Your baby needs you! Having two parents in the military is not a good idea! I repeat, having two parents in the military is not a good idea!

    Your financial problems are temporary. Stop calling yourself a kid! You are a mother now. You are an adult even if you don't feel like it.

    My family all moved to AZ because I had to move from IN to get medical treatment in AZ. For awhile we had me, my 3 adult sons, my DIL, and a very fussy baby living in a 3 bedroom house. Only 2 people had jobs. We have all moved out of that house recently and are doing good now. My 21 year old son was able to buy a house with a pool! He and I were homeless and living in a tent in IN just 2 years before. I'm disabled and he lets me live with him.

    Call the people you owe money and tell them you don't have jobs and can't pay but you want to pay when you can. See what they say.

    Answer by Gailll at 9:50 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Ok - first, take a deep breath. I know you're stressed, but lets take this one thing at a time. First, there is a difference between being a mooch and needing a little help in extreme circumstances.

    Second - Joining the army in the situation you're in isn't going to be as easy as you might think (there are a lot of factors here, from everything from needing a family care plan to just because you're done with basic does NOT mean you will be able to have your baby with you again before your dh has to leave - you will have follow on schools and other stuff where you are NOT allowed to have your dependents - especially a baby - which goes back to the family care plan and some other stuff. NOT to try to discourage you, but I'm trying to be honest and help you come up with something that will be practical and work for your family.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:51 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • well going back home with get you a little help with the baby, and im sure his mom and your mom will be willing to help and offer advice (although you may not always want to hear it, they give some good advice). and maybe try applying at a daycare so you can take the baby with you, or do daycare in home, (if that would be an option) i dont know where youre from but my home state has a thing where they can help with job placement. im going home when my hubby deploys soon, and im going to babysit for a friend to make extra money, ill be staying with my mom and dad until i can find a place of my own. if i were you i wouldnt do active army atleast not yet

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • cont

    3rd - there are ways you and your dh can help out while you're staying with family and looking for jobs. You can take over cleaning and cooking, doing laundry, etc. All of these things would be helping and would NOT be mooching. When you do find work, contribute money to the living expenses until you can get back on your feet.

    4th - Do you know for sure that your dh can't go Active Duty military if he's in the Guard? I don't know that part for sure (I do know the other parts I talked about for sure - I'm prior military, my dh is AD military, my brother - who is a LOT younger than me, just enlisted in the Army last spring and is just finishing his school, and I've done a lot of work with military families). If that's something you all want to do, then talk to a recruiter - tell him about his Guard contract, and see what they say.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:55 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Look for HUD apartment complexes in the area where you want to live. Some are not so nice, some are very nice. They will have waiting lists. When you get jobs your wait may be up. Your rent will be about 1/3 of your rent.

    Make sure you get food stamps, WIC, and Medicaid. Don't feel bad about any of this. Don't let people on cafemom make you feel bad when they make bad comments about people on PA. It is not your fault there are no jobs to get. It is not your fault that if you find a job you will not make enough to support your little family on one income.


    Answer by Gailll at 10:00 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • cont
    5th - I am NOT asking you to share dates of deployments or anything like that, but I gather from what you're saying that your dh is leaving some time after the New Year / in the Winter / Spring time frame, that's he's deploying. I KNOW - believe me - I know - how much that sucks. BUT - here's the thing - not in order of importance - you can shop at the commissary (groceries a LOT cheaper for everyone in the household...) You will be covered with military health care (I'm pretty sure about that one). You will also be getting his military pay, plus some.

    Here's the deal with the pay and what you should be getting - 1) Base pay - since he's going to be in Iraq, that's a tax free zone - so no Federal taxes taken out (Soc Sec and etc still taken), and you do NOT have to claim that money at the end of the year, either. 2) You will get what's called BAH - which is a monthly housing allowance.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:03 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • cont

    You will need to be on the lease, or have some sort of rental agreement drawn up with your inlaws, just to be safe, but your dh can talk to his Sgt about that to make sure everything is done "legal" to keep you out of trouble as far as that goes, since you'll be living with them. You will also be getting Family Separation, which, unlike the basic pay and the bah, which have a lot of variables to them, is a set amount. Family Sep is $250 a month. He will also be getting Haz. Duty / Combat pay.

    If you have debt, when he's called up, look at the Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act, that can help with your debts.

    While you're getting this $, you can also still be looking for work (if not working by then), and contributing. You are NOT a "mooch" - just facing a temp. setback!

    Sorry so long, but I hope it helped some!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:09 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Think about going to college. You can become a phlebotomist in just a couple of months and make around $12 an hour. There are always jobs for phlebotomists, my son is a phlebotomist. EMT is a few months. Medical Assistant is 8 months.

    There are many medical careers that take 2 years; RN, medical lab tech, X-ray tech, occupational therapy ass, physical therapy ass, paramedic, and others. I know about the medical field because my sons are in the medical field. One of my sons was is a RN and in AZ he can make $50 an hour working in cardiac care.

    Community colleges are the cheapest and you would get enough grants, money you never have to pay back, to cover tuition. You would be able to get low interest loans. There are great programs at private school and they help you get jobs. They are expensive but many are very student oriented and want to help you get through the program.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:12 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • When thinking about college don't think you aren't smart enough. I homeschooled my 3 sons. My oldest went to high school. For the other two wasn't big on forcing them to do things when they were high school age, they had no high school courses. My middle son took the GED and did well on it.

    My youngest was a premie and only has an IQ of 80. He reads great but has problems with math. He can't pass the GED. An IQ of 80 is almost "retarded." He is going to community college. He has passed tests and been accepted to two medical assistant programs and a occupational therapy assistant program. Right now he is trying to decide what to do. He is 21.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:19 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

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