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My daughter regressed after she came home from college. What do I do?

My son is 19 and living on his own away from home. My daughter is 22 with a one yr old baby. She got into a financial bind but is not highly motivated to produce occupationally nor educationally (finish her last year of college)...excuses, EXCUSES...They are living at home with us and the only thing that seems to highly motivate her is her baby's daddy. Neither of them are prepared to care for themselves and even less for their baby. We got her on assistance but she let it lapse...A little help please? .. I could use all the advise I can get...I still have another child to raise!!! I'm afraid to put her out for fear of another grandchild without responsible parents. This is not the same highly responsible child we sent off to college!!! UUGG!

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Oct. 13, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (8)
  • Well she needs to shit or get off the pot so to speak. Your Daughter needs to learn this on her own and get her shit together. Give her a date and this,this and this needs to be done or this is gonna happen.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • You are not alone! I'm 53 and have sons age 30, 26, and 21. This seems to be a problem for our generation of kids. You probably did nothing wrong.

    I don't think you should kick them out! I don't think you should give your daughter dates she should do things by!

    My two oldest sons have had problems. The oldest had a brain injury in college and was unable to finish college, has enough brain damage that he wasn't the good student he once was, and has personality changes. I let him come back and live with us whenever he has screwed up again. He admits that if I wouldn't he would probably be in prision.

    He is doing well right now. He moved out a few months ago to live with his girlfriend while she is finishing nursing school. This is a long term relationship and they both do not want children, bad genes in both families. He is a phlebotomist and makes around $12 an hour.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:47 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • My middle son breaks my heart. We homeschooled and he took his GED when he was 17. He got an honors GED and started nursing school and was a RN at 20. He married his long time, only girlfriend at 22. He is now 26 and they have a baby that is 13 mo.

    We lived in IN when he started working as a RN. He has migraines and chronic pain. One of my migraine medicines started disappearing. He convinced my other sons I was forgetful and loosing just that med. I was getting migraines almost every day and knew he was taking it.

    He started taking drugs from work and it esculated to using IV pain meds. He got caught. He had to work as a Psych nurse with no drugs and go through a program for nurses with drug problems for 3 years.

    Our whole family moved to AZ and he had to be on a drug program here. He screwed up and lost his license for a year. It wasn't drugs but reporting and charting problems. Everyone says he is a great RN.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:00 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Put her out. It’s either sink or swim totally up to them. Don’t cuddle to the situation. You have responsibilities’ of your own. It’s really time to grow up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • He looses his $50 an hour job and his license. He has a wife and baby. They have to come live with us. My oldest son was already living with us. Many people, small house.

    During this time my oldest son borrowed the RN son's car and finally there was evidence he has been stealing my meds and I am not senile.

    This has gotten long.

    His wife has gotten a job and he is a stay at home dad. They have gotten a tiny one bedroom apartment. I take care of the baby a couple of afternoons a week.

    Even when my sons screw up I welcome them. I am not religious but I remember the story of the prodigal son. I have good to great relationships with them at all times.

    I would stop giving your daughter advice unless she asks. Enjoy her and her baby. Help her learn to care for the baby by watching you with the baby. Remember she is the mom. It's not that hard to care for a baby. Let her know you will always be there for her.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:17 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Dont bail her out when she screws up. She needs to be responsible for her actions and deal with the consequences. Remember insantity is doing the same thing over and over again and expected different results. If you want her to grow up, then you have to change how you respond to her.

    Answer by KatWW at 11:30 AM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Honestly its possible she is slacking because she is able to get away with it..I would set deadlines,does she pay anything to live there?Give her time(30 days)to get a job and charge her partial rent and groceries.In the real world you cant get by for free so by giving her deadlines to get a job and having her pay some bills,groceries etc she will be responsible.I thank my parents for not getting me out of every jam i got into.When I lived at home after I turned 18 I had to pay for half rent,my share of food,and partial utilities.It forced me to grow up and it prepared me for living on my own.Good luck!

    Answer by Nattiesmom9603 at 4:17 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • First, try to get them Government help for living (if it''s not the assisted living your talking about). My brother had to do this and he quickly found a job and started living on his own income. It's not free housing but close. This way they will have to earn a little cash. The monthy note of usually 100-150 dollars is affordable for anyone that with self respect. I had real estate property and rented it out to many couples with assisted living. The home must pass inspection, clean living.

    If it's the baby that bothers you ask if she can stay with you for a very short time. This may scare them into a job. You can't let it continue because it will get worse.

    Answer by skrush at 7:27 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

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