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Divorce

So my husband and I seperarted almost 6 months ago and lately our kids have been asking me when they get to see there daddy however hes made it clear he dont want to see them,and hasent since he left, how do I explain that to my 8,4, and 24 month old kids?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Oct. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Ugh gosh, I am so sorry. Is it possible to explain to the oldest that Dad is having a tough time right now and needs to be alone? Maybe tell them you just don't know right now and hopefully down the road they'll be able to see him. What is wrong with him? That's terrible. I'm sorry, good luck.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:17 PM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • Tell them you don't know but they can ask Daddy when they see him how often he will visit. Let him be responsible for his own actions. These guys need to look into the eyes of the little ones and see how they are breaking their hearts. We don't need to be the bearer of bad news to them all the time.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:51 PM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • You need to make him responsible for what he's doing to them. When they ask you, you need to tell them that you don't know but they can ask Daddy. Have them call him, if you have his number. If he refuses to talk to them, or refuses to answer the question, then the best answer you can give them is that you don't know, that Daddy does still love them but that he just can't come see them right now. You have to be very careful to make sure that they do not think that it is their fault in any way. It's hard when your kids dad is acting like a jerk, but just keep your chin up and eventually everyone will come out ok.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:43 AM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • I would tell them I don't know. Then I would tell them that it is his choice right now not to see them. You do not want them thinking that you are the reason they don't get to see him or that it's your fault. I would then explain to them that we all make choices in life, sometimes they are good and sometimes they are bad choices. I would then admit to them that I had made a bad choices when I chose their daddy, that I thought it was forever, but that he apparently did not see it that way. I would use this situation to teach them about the importance of making good choices throughout life, especially when it comes to a marraige partner. You don't want to belittle the man in their eyes, but at the same time, you do want to present a true picture about the consequences of making bad decisions. I would also emphasize to them that people can always come to their senses and try to make restitution for their bad choices.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:47 AM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • I would have to disagree with NannyB. on one point, you cannot tell kids that young that you made a "bad choice when I chose their daddy". They are too young to hear such negativity about their dad, who even though hasn't been around, is probably still a huge influence on their lives. I do agree with simply telling them, I don't know when we will see daddy. It may be harder on you to leave it open-ended like that, but you also don't want to make them promises that he won't keep. I am sorry that you are going through this, how could a man do that to his children? God bless you Momma, stay strong!
    emnasmom

    Answer by emnasmom at 1:08 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

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