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Is toddlerhood kicking anyone else's butt? Are these fits? Is she too young?

My daughter is almost 17 months old. I have never let her cry it out, I don't believe in it. She's happy and active 95% of the time, but every once in a while she'll get really mad. Just now I wouldn't let her play with loose pennies and she cried so hard she almost threw up! I know that a baby's wants are their needs because they are so tiny, and they really only want a few things (nursing, cuddling, being changed etc). What about a toddler? How do I transition from being at my baby's beck and call to letting her throw her fits when she's upset? My instinct is still to get her whatever she wants! I have a hard time saying no, even when her safety is at stake (like with the pennies. I do it anyway, but it tears me up).

What do I do for toddler fits? Is she too young to let her cry when she's mad at not getting what she wants? I meet all her needs and most of her wants (within reason)... what do I do?


Asked by Ati_13 at 12:29 PM on Oct. 14, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 24 (21,184 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • It sounds like you are a great mom!

    The book Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary shaped my parenting. She has a website with some info called Star Parenting.

    You might also like to go to google and do a search about authoritative parenting.

    Answer by Gailll at 12:45 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • you should say no and let her cry and she will get bored and move on to something else don't let her have everything otherwise it will just get worse as she gets older

    Answer by RIPzoemommy at 12:52 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • well, I on the other hand had the Opposite BABY = he was MAD and Cried about 95% of the time so I had no choice but to let him cry cause that is all he did - I think now that has come to my advantage during the tantrums because me and my husband are SO used to him crying that we can totally ignore it - when it needs to be ignored. I set firm limits, of course I want my son to not cry also and want to make him happy, but I've seen TOO many nanny 911 shows to let THAT happen to!! Don't cave and also you don't have to be mean about it, say No, give her a short explanation and try to distract her to something more fun, if that doesn't work, its ok to walk away and let her know tantrums won't be heard ( well, they'll be heard but not catered too )

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:36 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Maybe try redirecting her to something else ( another toy when you tell her she can't have the one you are taking away) and if she is a talker, encourage her to use her words instead of crying. I see she is 17 months and may not be "able" to express what she wants, but by you beginning to encourage the "talking it out" theory she may start doing just that. It sounds like she is trying to see what buttons she can push, just like my DS did at that age, and still does now. You just have to stick to your guns regardless of how she reacts, and yes she may (probably will) cry a little but if she is a stubborn and bullheaded as my son is, the minute you ignore it and she isnt getting the attention she wants it will stop.

    Answer by swimmachic23 at 1:52 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Swimmachic, redirection doesn't work. She's stubborn and knows what she wants. It's let her have her fit or give her what she wants.

    Maxsmom, my daughter was like that too, as a baby. I never could bring myself to let her cry, even when my family pressured me. it just didn't feel right. I'm not saying that you did the wrong thing, each family has to find what works best for them, but I know where you're coming from, in the ability to ignore crying... I can tune it out, but it's not something I want to do, you know? I was programmed from day 1 to respond to her crying by giving her what she needed... and now her wants are no longer her needs and in fact can hurt her sometimes. I'm just having a hard time making that transition, from always doing my best to make her feel better to doing my best to raise a well-adjusted toddler who won't be the neighborhood terror lol.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 3:16 PM on Oct. 14, 2009