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what do i do i need your help please

My dhs dad is in the hospital and it is looking like it is going to be a long road if he is ever going to get better. My dh is his only child and he is not married so that makes my dh the next of ken. but his mom my dhs grandmother is living. My dh and his dad do not have the best of relationships but it has been getting better in the last couple of months. It was not bad but his dad was never really in his life and he is trying to be now. Ok so what is going on is my FNL has a brain injury it is bad but they think he will recover for the most part. Well my dhs uncle came in town and was at the hospital with us and he was not happy because we where in my dhs dads face trying to get him to talk to us and he told us that we just needed to leave him alone. My dh told him that he just wanted to talk to his dad his uncle made an ass of himself and drew his fist like he was going to hit my dh.


Asked by kristyleigh614 at 1:12 PM on Oct. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • You and your DH should discuss this privately and decide if you really do wanna care for him in your home and if you do, go to his grandmother and lay it out for her calmly. Explain everything to her in great detail about what all your DH's dad will need and how he will HAVE to be taken care of. Explain to her that it will be constant care and stimulation so that he will get better. Just make sure that you don't get upset or raise your voice and don't leave out a single detail. Let her know you understand that she wants him with her, but you can also overwhelm her with all the facts of what she will have to do to take care of him. Maybe she will realize it may be too much for her to do.

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 2:13 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • My dhs family is not helping my fnl there all taking the back seat like if they leave him alone he is going to get better (and that is not what happens with brain injuries you have to stimulate them) there are just a lot of things that his family is doing that is not the best thing for my FNL. What do I do? I want my FNL to come and stay with us when he get to go home so that we can take care of him but I know that will start a fight with the family. But I also know that he is not going to get better it he is at his moms, she babies him to much and she will not push him to do anything and I will. I want to tell his family to go to hell and tell my dh to not let them be at the hospital but that is wrong. My dh has all the say and there not even coming to him to find out what he wants them to do there going to my dhs grandmother who is not all there any more.(she really cant handle all of it)

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 1:12 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • last one sorry so long
    What do i do?step back and let his family take over and then take a chance my FNL will not get better or do it my self because I know what im doing I have been through this before with my sister. Please help I need it

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 1:13 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • So your husband's father is in the hospital. Your husband is his only son. So the sick guy's son, his brother, his mother, and you are all at the hospital. Each of you think you know what's best. You and your husband are in agreement and you think your husband should take charge since he is the son since he is 'next of kin'. Your husband's father, the sick guy, hasn't been in his life until recently. You want to take him home with you to care for him. His mother will not do what he needs.

    You want to tell them to all to go to Hell. What should you do? Remember that is your question.

    You should stay out of it as much as possible. There is no way you should tell anyone to go to Hell. I'm not sure if you are right that a son that has not had an ongoing relationship with a father is 'next of kin' if the patient's mother has always been part of his life. She may be considered the 'closest' relative.

    Answer by Gailll at 1:26 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Taking care of the FIL is going to be hard work. If his mother insists on doing it there may be nothing you can do about it. If she finds she can't do it then he can come live with you. The hospital will probably arrange PT and OT, ect.

    Your husband needs your support right now. Being upset with his grandmother and uncle may make the whole situations worse.

    Answer by Gailll at 1:31 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • step back and let his family take over

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • It's intriguing to me that you want to care for your fil so badly, especially when your dh is just now building a relationship with him. Be careful what you ask for, as brain injuries are a long, hard recovery that demands a lot (a LOT) of time and attention.

    A situation like this requires a family discussion and decision. I hate to say it, but you're an in-law. Your dh needs to discuss this with his grandmother and uncle, and your role in this is to support your dh 100% and be there for your husband. Ultimately, the family makes the decision. You tell nobody to go to hell. You may know (or think you know) what is best, however, it's not your place in this circumstance.

    You can be there for your fil no matter what the decision is. He is lucky to have a dil that is as supportive and concerned as you. I hope he recovers and you can play a role in it, but seriously, don't step on toes. Conflict accomplishes nothing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Thats is what a Will is for. Does his father not have one? Power of Attorney for health?

    It saves everyone a lot of headache. protect yourself and your family in the future. Get the Will!


    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 10:17 PM on Oct. 14, 2009