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I think its time to throw in the towel. Advice?

Husband continues to cheat on me even though I always catch him. Every time he swears that he wants to save our marriage. We have been going to counseling for 2 years now with no progress. I have worked hard to improve on the things he feels need improved and to change the things he says needs to change. Every time I think that things are getting better and that we can be happy again, I catch him cheating again. I am tired and realize that no matter what I change or how hard I try, the problem is within him and until he fixes him there can not be an us. The pain of leaving hurts worse than catching him being unfaithful and I am scared for my children. I have a right to be happy with a man who will treat me right but are my feelings really worth hurting my children? I love my husband but I have to ask him to leave. Anyone been through similar? Advice for the kids and the pain? Anything funny to lift my spirits enough to cook?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Oct. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • He has committed adultry and that is grounds for divorce! You do not need to ask the question "are my feelings worth hurting the children?" He is the one that hurt you and the children.

    The kids may take it better than you think. How you tell them depends on their age. A friend of mine couldn't figure out how to tell her kids and had waited about a week. None of them asked, "Where's dad?" He was around so little they didn't miss him. When she told them it wasn't a big deal at all.

    When my husband and I separated we only had one car and I got to keep it. The kids were so happy that we would have a car all the time that they didn't seem too upset about dad being gone.

    If he has been cheating and the marriage has been bad enough for counseling your kids will probably be OK with the news.

    Don't cook, go out!
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:51 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Been there & done that with my first husband, luckily there were no kids involved. Currently, I'm married to a wonderful man that is 100% devoted...thank God and we're expecting my 1st and his 2nd.

    There is no good answer to your question except for think of your children. I know that they would miss having their dad there 24/7, but you have to ask yourself what kind of examples is this setting for them. I think it shows disrespect to you as a person and teaches them that committments do not have to be honored.

    You do deserve better. I know you love him and that makes it more complicated, but think of yourself too. Everytime he cheats on you, he's putting your life in DANGER. I would be worried about AIDS...not to mention the emotional distress you experience.

    Also, your kids need to see you happy, not worried all the time about his next affair. Email me if you want to talk more.
    dawilliams0918

    Answer by dawilliams0918 at 6:08 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • you tried..he didnt, move on to someone who wont treat you so badly! and cheat on you. you dont deserve that! im so sorry that you have been hurt in this way..but do yourself a favor and get out..
    Eveshalloween

    Answer by Eveshalloween at 7:08 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Long time ago, I was in a similar situation.they were 12 and 10.I thought they were old enough to hear the truth.I told them that their daddy had a girlfriend and it was against the rules of being married.so I told him to leave.He ddn't even tell them goodbye when I asked him to.It sounds to me like you know what is best to do.I'd tell your kids on the level that they could understand.After he goes, you will be amazed at how peaceful your household becomes.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 8:24 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • First time shame on you ..second time shame on me....did you ever hear that?? Your not doing your self any favors by staying w/ some one who doesn't love you. You do cheat on someone you love. Loose the looser ...you can be happer w/ out him :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:33 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

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