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Valid opinion or just post-trauma

I see so much conversation between WOHM moms and SAHM moms. I'm one of those moms that life took an evil turn and had to work two jobs to pay for bills. My daughter was raised by another mom (who I paid) and her daughters formed a sisterhood with my daughter. My daughter has grown up to be a beautiful well-balanced young lady.

I get rowled up with I see some responses about the choice to stay at home (it's just me). It's as if I'm reliving some past memories when I thought life was fine, when it really wasn't. Now I know how fragile life is, and that a woman has ultimate decision over her and her children's life. I believe that a woman should be the pillar of her family's life, and should ultimately live by her own two feet as the forefather (in relative terms) of her children.

Valid opinion, or am I just post-traumatic (and unreasonable)? Please explain.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Oct. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • I am the pillar of my family. This household would not run as smoothly as it does if I were not home with my kids. I am a chef, I am a maid and a nurse, I am transportation and counseling services. Life is what you make it, my SAHM job came as a surprise to me when it landed on my feet when I could not find a decent job to pay for everything and we were paying too much for daycare. I have not enjoyed it as much as I do now, I am not on PA or welfare (not even sure what the difference is), my husband does not make tons of money, but we are seasoned poor people (as in we make due with what we have, and always make our boys a priority first when it comes to birthdays and holidays). Life is what you make it. If you feel that you did your best, then there isn't any reason to look back!

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 6:39 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Mom is always the pillar of the family, no matter what she does.

    Yes, your opinion is "post trauma" because our opinions are ALWAYS shaped by our life experiences. But that does NOT make it invalid. This is not an either/or situation.

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:41 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Valid opinion formed due to your own past experiences. I've always wanted to be a mostly SAHM, working outside of the home for only a few hours a day.....then my husband died......Now, I would make whatever financial sacrifice I had to to stay at hom for as long as I possibly can. For the past 13months God has allowed me to do so. I don't get to buy the kind of stuff I used to, but it's worth it. Not a lot of moms that want to stay home can, though. I am fortunate that while I might be just scraping by, I don't HAVE to work. If it comes to the point that I do have to work, I will, know what I mean? For me, it was a more financially sound decision to stay home. (Too much to explain) Now, in a few months I might change my mind. Luckily my soon to be husband wants me to stay at home as long as I can. He had some traumatic things occur to him during his childhood while being babysat and he doesn't want our kids in daycare until

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 6:43 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • they can speak for themselves and tell us if they are being hurt or abused. Again, we both have formed our valid opinions due to our specific circumstances.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 6:43 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • Honey, every mom has the opportunity to be a great mom or a crappy mom. Working or staying at home doesn't define which category you fall into. These women don't know you or your family. They are commenting on a family life they don't live or know, with no experience and plenty of prejudice. Don't let it get you down.

    Answer by lvpenguino at 6:46 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • I don't see how you can ever come out and say "yes, i'm glad I worked". Unless you were working to put true necessities on the table. That's different. These times with my children are precious, and I'd rather have those memories than of sitting at a desk, working for someone else. When my children look back on their childhoods, I want to be in those memories.

    That being said, different women have different priorities, and many truly want that career path. I'm not going to judge them for it, but I certainly don't have to understand their reasoning, nor agree with it. Working because you have to is different than working because you want to. If I had to work, I would. I don't, and I choose to stay home.

    Answer by apexmommy at 8:08 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • I don't see how so many people are judging what others do based on if they work outside the home or if they're stay at home moms. Why judge like that? Your life is your life, and I'm sorry you had hard times. THere is no reason for SAHMs to judge working moms and say that "someone else is raising their kids" (which is ridiculous because I have been a full-time nanny and I was FAR from the most influential adult in the lives of those children) and I don't see how WAHMs get off calling SAHMs lazy.

    Can't we all just respect and support each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt that we are doing what is best for our families? Not all families are the same - I think it's great that we're all different. It seems like some people want complete conformity in society.

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:27 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • I personally want to know that if something were to happen to my husband I can take care of myself and my child. Meaning I can pay the bills, I can buy my own home, I can buy my own car, and I don't need no one to assist me in that. I will be the rock my child needs even if the world came crashing down. I can do it on my own. That doesn't mean I want to. I love my husband and I chose to parent with a partner. He is my equal in every way. I appreciate that. But should something happen I know I have the skills and ability to provide. My job allows me, and my family, the added financial security we desire for now and in the future. I respect those that stay at home with their children. I could have. I choose to work. It also fulfills me and nurtures me in a different way. I love my job. What I learn in hospice care makes me appreciate my child's life and understand LIFE better. My child benefits in all ways.


    Answer by frogdawg at 8:58 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • I have a job and go to college and I do everything a SAHM does. Just because I am not there all the time does not mean that I don't mother just as hard as they do. Also, no one else is raising my kids. They are being raised by my believes, my rules, and my love. The daycare is there to make sure they are safe and fed from 8-5. It is no different than sending them to school in my mind. I was in daycare for years and have no emotional attachment to my providers and no recollection of it. I do however recall the times I was with my family. Neither working moms nor SAHMs are any better than the other and anyone who says so needs to shove it up their ass.

    Answer by peppermintmocha at 9:02 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

  • My mom worked, because she had to pay the bills & put food on the table. This resulted in my brother, sister, and me being in daycare/school during the week, with a baby-sitter at night, and with our grandparents all weekend usually. I don't think that negatively affected my relationship with my mother, though. You do what you have to do to provide for your family. That doesn't mean you love or care any less/more.

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 9:24 PM on Oct. 14, 2009

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