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If you were a single mom would you tell your 7 year old that dad doesn't help out with him?

I encountered this situation with someone I know today and found it a little disturbing. It seemed as if mom was resentful and wanted her child to be too. She's always telling him how she does everything, dad does nothing, dad doesn't care. He see's his dad a few days a week.Since when is your ex husband and your fight with child support a 7 year old childs concern!? What is that poor kid thinking?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on Oct. 14, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (20)
  • No way. It will backfire.
    I have a friend who does this to her first child who is also 7 (she has two daughters 3,1 with another man) Its like she makes that poor child feel as alienated as possible. It makes me sad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I grew up in that mess and from the childs stand point it is very unfair to play one parent over another. The child knows his parents as the ones who love him regardless. The mom really should step back and think about what she is doing to her child because of what.....? Because she is bitter.
    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 12:04 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I have 2 boys from my first marriage and one with DH. After the divorce when my middle son was only 2 my ex and his family decided they wanted no part of my children. I remarried a wonderful man and he is daddy to all three of my boys. My middle son was too young when ex disappeared and he doesn't remember him. I have never told him anything about him but I will have to soon. I will not give him the negative. I will just make it short and sweet and move on. On the other hand, my oldest does remember and misses ex some times but still, I never focus on the negative. I never will because that is not my children's burden to bear. They are sure to have many questions that will be tough to answer in the future but I will never talk bad about ex. This will only hurt my children. There is sure to be some pain when they are older because he chose to abandon them but I will not cause them more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • My kids are 8 & 5, and their dad and I have been divorced for 6 yrs. 5 yrs ago, he stopped coming to see them, and a yr to the day after that, he stopped paying child support. They know NOTHING about it. When they used to ask whyy didn't see him, I just said that he had some things to take care of and he would come see them when he was able. They never even knew about child support to need to know he wasn't paying, and in fact, if you asked them now what child support is, they'd give you a blank look. Things like that are between me and their dad, it is not their worry. I can't stand my ex, you could even say I hate him, but it's not my place to make the kids hate him, too. They'll grow up and make their own decision about what they think of him, whether it's an opinion I agree with or not.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:54 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • She will regret it later when he gets old enough. Sounds like the woman needs a friend to complain to, someone on her level, someone away from the problems. It is wrong to involve the child, they should never have to take sides or feel bad for wanting to spend time with BOTH parents.
    LilCaprica

    Answer by LilCaprica at 7:25 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Ask my brother's ex-wife what happens when you try and brainwash your children against their father and their father's family. She's all alone now, my niece and nephew don't want to have anything to do with her, after all these years of her trying to poison them, they finally realized the truth. Things like this have a way of coming back to bite you in the butt.
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 7:33 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • She's destroying his self esteem and respect for other people. I was that kid growing up. Because my dad was worthless I thought I was too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I say things in a way my 9 year old can understand. She's never met her bio father. Sooo what SHOULD I say to her? I'm not going to lie. But I'm not going to say he's a drug abuser who likes to beat on women either - which is the truth. I have told her he lives in FL. Whatever you say ...will never be enough. She asked me once if he loved her. Umm ...obviously if they never met he doesn't. But I said "I'm sure he does love you" and it returned with "well why don't I know him?" Should I keep using the FL thing as an excuse?? My partners daughter is 15 and she asks about her bio parent EVERY single day. Because the other parent doesn't pay support, doesn't care about calling her, has told friends she is nothing but a hassle ...so YEAH. You tell me what I should keep saying. The whole "well your Daddy is just busy" excuse only works for so long!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • No I wouldn't. I think that's a pretty crappy thing for any parent to do. You just don't it that, period. She better watch, it will come back at her one day. Her kids will be pissed at her. I know because my brothers ex did this with their 3 kids, 2 of them are over 18 and rarely talk to her now.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • No it's an adult issue, and should be kept such. Dragging children into your personal resentments and issues is unfair to the child and particularly immature and selfish as a parent.
    athenax3

    Answer by athenax3 at 9:22 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

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