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How do I get over him? Please dont bash and if you feel you need to just ignore.

ok so I am married and I had an affair after 1month being married. My wedding day was the worst day of my life. my hubbywas the worst and treated me like shit that day I had to go to sleep by myself at the hotel and cried myself to sleep. the whole following month we didnt talk or sleep with each other. I started working and a guy from work saw how depressed i was and I started talking with him and i guess he was giving me atten that my husband didnt long story short i got pregnant and had his baby my hubby and i split i stayed with the other guy, i left him and hubby and i are back together he is raising my dd as his own. its hard we fight and he throws it in my face all the time but I am trying.only bad thing is i can not stop thinking of this other person. he knows about her but he doesnt want anything to do with her and thats good for me and my hubby. how do i let it go and move on?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:05 AM on Oct. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I think you need to be by yourself. The situation is so far gone I don't think it can be fixed. Especially if he's always gonna make it an issue. You can't control how HE feels.People don't just cheat, there is so much more to this story that only you know. And your child will get older and be stuck in this messy drama, how is that fair! This isn't mean, it's honest. You need to get help. You need to find out why you are in this situation and how to avoid similar ones. You can't just let something like that go. It doesn't work that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • i agree with anon. it isnt a bash... but you need to split from the guy you are with now b/che is obviously bad four you and the baby. im sorry for your situation, but you need a man who treats you right. you cant move on when the one your with makes you feel bad about yourself, b/c you have to love yourself to get over the other one.
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 12:18 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • ok so the other thing is that when my hubby and i got back together he got me pregnant on purpose to prove that I loved him. I love my baby and dont regret either one of them. I feel like I messed up all of our lifes because I didn't just stick it out with my husband and now I have a child from one man and one from my husband and I love them both and I love my husband but I wish I could just let the other one get out of my head.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • he got me pregnant on purpose to prove that I loved him.

    It takes two to get pregnant. I think you should get some counseling. Not trying to bash, but you are playing the victim card here and need to find out why you allow yourself to get in the positions you do. It sounds like low self esteem to me, which can wreck your life. Go, find someone to talk to and sort out how/why you do these things. Get healthy- your children deserve it!
    wildboyz1994

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 12:30 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I have to agree with both posters. You have to find out why you cheated to begin with. That not harsh rather it is reality. You have to find out why, within yourself. You probably should seek therapy to not only find the reasons but also to help you through this tough situation you are in now. I agree again with the other posters on the situation being really messed up and probably should end it with the man you are with now. After that, concentrate on YOU and your little one...no one else. Not until you learn to rely on YOU, to be happy with YOU. Learn to love yourself then everything else will fall into place.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 12:31 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Sounds like you all weren't right for each other from the beginning. Then you betrayed him. That's inexcusible. Of course he's hurt & of course he doesn't trust you. BUT he did agree to get back with you so he needs to find a way to move on. He'll never be over it but he needs to find a way to deal with the situation so that you all can have a healthy relationship.

    It sounds to me like since the other man got you pregnant your hubby needed to prove his manhood by getting you pregnant. That's why he pressured you into having another baby. Should you all of had another baby when your relationship was no where near stable? ABSOLUTELY NOT but it happen & she's here and you love her so learn to deal with things the way they are.

    You all NEED to get into marriage counsling ASAP. You are thinking about this other man because your DH isn't giving you the attention you need. He's not giving it because he doesn't feel deserve it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • you know your right it does seem like i'm saying i'm the victim but before our wedding day things were great that night after our wedding and reception and dance we were driving to his moms house and his attitude was different he told me I'm the husband and I say what goes now. I'm the man in this relationship and said we were going to his moms to party i wanted to go to our room and spend our night together. after that his whole family knew what happened and just kept apologizing to me and saw his change. we wouldn't talk he would just demand and fight with me. I had never cheated on him before but there was this other person giving me all this attention and i was not crying with him and i guess I fell for what I was wanting from my husband youknow my husband does is good to he is not always the mean person but I want to stay with him, i will try to see someone about it but i wnt his other guy out of my head already
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • we were right from the beginning it was like that wedding just made him think different about how he was supposed to be as a man or a husband. I don't know he was different. we planned our wedding together he would not talk down to me before that and yeah we had fights but nothing that big of a deal. I know what I did was wrong and I'm not saying it wasn't. while we were seperated he was with other women and cheated as well but I dont throw that in his face. I told him I am not going to because i did it to you so I deserved to be cheated on to. I have tried to ask him for us to go to marraige counsling but he says we dont need it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • You do realize that this entire situation is completely unecessary? If your husband was an ass on your wedding day what made you think he was going to change by raising your baby by an affair? I think you need to either be single for a while or find a new guy and get to know him before you marry or have a kid with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • It sounds to me like if you and you rhubby are going to work this out you both need counseling together and alone, he needs to change his attitude about what marriage is suppose to be and he needs to see that although having an affair isnt right and im not saying you were right in doing so however he pushed you in to the arms of someone else. I am not going to comment of parts of your sitution because whats done is done and there is no changing the past, just fixing the future. Your child from the affair is being put in an unfair sitution if your dh has so much resentment toward the child. It almost sounds like you went back because the other guy left you if that is the case things arent likely to work. I would tell dh you need counseling together
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:31 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

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