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Close friend had a miscarriage...what can I say??

The thing was, she didn't even know she was pregnant yet. So it's like twice the shock. You're pregnant and you're losing your baby. She's such a great women, wonderful with children and was trying to get pregnant. All I can say is everything happens for a reason. I DO believe that but I don' tunderstand why these things happen to wonderful people!! I can't help but feel there is something more I can say.

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CrystalJanie

Asked by CrystalJanie at 12:10 AM on Oct. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (65 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Tell her how sorry you are for her loss. Buy her a card that tells her that you are sorry for her pain and make her a meal so she won't have to cook dinner one night. Take her some raspberry leaf tea to help with the pain and bleeding if she's still having any.

    Treat this like she had already had this baby and it passed. Mother's feel connections to their babies the instant they find out they exist or existed. The loss of a child is painful. Every women will take it differently so figure out how she wants to deal with this loss and support her in whatever way she chooses.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Nothing. I'm sorry. But your sympathy may be great...and maybe she is different than me, but I got REALLY tired of hearing I am sorry. I got REALLY tired of the "how are you doings" and the "are you going to try agings" and they just broke my heart again. When I got preg again I told NO ONE, and when I lost that baby too I was SO glad I hadn't. No pitying looks and no questions. Distraction however was the name of my game. I wanted OUT of my HOUSE and OUT of my HEAD!! Take her out for coffee or lunch. Or just call and talk to her like normal. And if you havent been there its really hard to believe that you would understand. I would NEVER EVER go to a woman who had lost a child and say "i understand how you feel" because I dont. The same kind of goes here! Good luck. Its a crappy situation all the way around. Ummmm...also you may want to avoid HIGH baby concentration areas....maybe a more upscale place :)

    momof030404

    Answer by momof030404 at 12:30 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I agree with everything the first anon said. Don't tell her everything happens for a reason. That is the last thing I would have wanted to hear. What could possibly be the reason she lost her child?

    Just let her know that you are very sorry and that you are there for her if/when she needs to talk or cry or vent or what ever she needs.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 12:30 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • The best thing you can do for her is give her a big hug and say "I am so very sorry. If you need me, I am here for you" and then be there for her and listen to her when she is ready to talk, or just give her a big hug when she cries.

    I know people mean well when they say things like 'everything happens for a reason' or 'it was Gods will' "you can have another child', or "I know how you feel"-- but honestly when you loose a child you do not want to hear that especially if the person has not had a miscarriage themself cause how could they possibly know how you feel and what it is like.

    When I had my miscarriage, my best friend was my rock. She lived in Germany, but called me to tell me how very sorry she was. She would email me daily. She was there for me, and listened to me as I talked, she cried with me and it touched me deeply that she cared so much.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:57 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Just let her know that you're there for her. So often when you lose a baby early in pregnancy, people treat you like you shouldn't be emotional about it, "you weren't that far along", and diminish your feelings.

    Let her know you're there, that her feelings are valid, and that you love her. She won't really feel better until she has her own baby in her arms........
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:01 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • There is nothing you can say that will help other than just telling her you love her and are there for her. This is one of those cases usually where the more you say the fuller you mouth gets with foot! Just give her a hug and be there for her...that will say more than words ever could...with out the chance of hurting her feelings.
    ConfederateRose

    Answer by ConfederateRose at 12:04 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Ive had many miscarriages and What I do know is that I did not feel better when someone sad I am sorry for your loss! Just be a friend and just be there. If she wants to talk than you lend a shoulder. Trust me, that does so much more than words ever could. Good Luck and God Bless.
    FrazzledNaNa

    Answer by FrazzledNaNa at 12:42 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

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