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how do i praise my two chidren without leaving out the third ?

im a mom of twin boys aged 8 and a daughter age seven my daughter and one of my sons are doing above average in school while i want to praise them for doing such a good job i dont want my other son to feel left out or like he is doing anything wrong he is doing just fine in school

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Asked by ginabina33 at 12:14 AM on Oct. 15, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (14)
  • Honestly, the son should be left out. If children are doing above average, they shoudl be rightfully praised for what they are doing. If you dont praise them seperately from yoru son who is doing average, they will feel as if it doesnt matter how hard they work. The work they put into it should be praised and rewarded and your otehr son encouraged to do the same level of work they do without pressuring him. Maybe you can find something that he is good at that the other two are not so he feels better? But my personal opinion is the two do deserve to be treated differently for how well they are doing or it will discourage them from trying.

    Answer by Kayere at 12:31 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • oh wow brave brave women! 3 so close in age. You two are doing amzing at school and thats so awesome but if the other child is doing as good as he can I don't believe he should be totally left out. I understand he can't totally get the praise they do but if he is doing his best you will discourage him that much more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Find something else to praise him for. The two that are doing well in school should be praised for that. ...but maybe the other one is really good at a musical instrument, or usually remembers to make his bed ...or anything. Find something that he is good at and praise him for that.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:03 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I agree with outstandingLove.

    Answer by mum2princesses at 7:28 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I just have to say that I was thinking along the same lines as 'outstandingLove". Well said!

    I always struggle academically and my sister excelled, I was creative though so that is how my parents rewarded us, together but for separate achievements. Great post!

    Answer by LilCaprica at 7:51 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • You should praise your children, even the ones doing well, for their hard work (assuming the one is still working hard and trying). You should always praise your children for things that are in their control, such as hard work, rather than things out of their control, such as being smart.

    Answer by kateloveslance at 8:17 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Now praise is praise. A "good job", or "I like that you are trying your best", is good praise. Now buying or giving them money or things is inappropriate praise. So if school comes easily for some of your children and not for another, praise is always important. Let all of them know you recognize that they are trying their best. Always strive for more, but be sure not to put two on a pedestal. It will create low self esteem in one and give the other two a feel of more importance than the other.

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 10:59 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I have three also and my oldest daughter is super smart too. I havent run into this problem...yet but may I suggest that you celebrate your other sons individuality. He is not achieving as high but you say he is still achieving and that deserves praising as well. I am placing myself in your shoes in the future and I guess that is what I would do.

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 12:10 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Praise them all for doing their best. As long as the 3rd child is doing his best he should be praised for that.

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 1:38 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Why not praise the 3rd so too. Just because he isn't doing "above average" work doesn't mean he needs to not be praised. To me, you are just being mean to the 3rd child because he isn't perfect. Praise all or none. ALL children deserve praise, not just those that are doing above average work. Way to affect your child's self esteem. I'm sorry I can't praise you because you aren't above average.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:36 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

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