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What can you do when your boyfriend feels he shouldn't have to do a lot of work with the baby because he works?

my boyfriend and father of my daughter works to support us there for feels he shouldn't have to watch her as much... but she is a full time job that i never have breaks from what can i do to make him see this?

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Kylasmommii

Asked by Kylasmommii at 10:46 AM on Jun. 24, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • I have the same problem with my husband. i have seen a lil difference in him after I told him how i felt casue yes they work hard but so do we, we don't just sit around the house and do nothing baby is a 24 hour job as well as getting the house work done.. So I make a day out for me on his off days so he can have her too. I try to make him see what it is like for me when he is off to work showing him that it is a round the clock job he at least gets to get off.! so after a few days of him having our daughter he wanted to start changing and burping she would never burp for me so after i fed her I would give her to him.!
    I say to show them how hard it is and that with their help it would be alot easier!
    i don't know if that is the answer your asking for but thought i would share it with you casue my husband is the same way.!!
    Schramko

    Answer by Schramko at 11:05 AM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • When my hubby went thur that I send him thur a wake up call... I made him take the kids for just 8 hours(normal work hours) and see how he felt when I got home... yep just as I imagined he was handing them off to me when I walked thur the door... he know helps me with teh kids anytime I need he finally understands sometime taking care of kids is harder then a normal paying job. hope that helps. Give him a wake up call if you can!
    texas21cowgirl

    Answer by texas21cowgirl at 11:34 AM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • Try to make it not like an accusation of him not doing his part. Tell him you appreciate all he does, but you want him to be able to spend some alone time with the baby too. That you don't want the baby to just get "mothering", but want it to get a father's touch also. And, that when you've had some grown-up time-even if it's just to take a walk by yourself, that you'll feel more like having some "adult" time with him. Have this talk, not when he first comes in the door, but during a quiet time, tell him you need his help, too.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 11:44 AM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • I have the EXACT same problem. My boyfriend works over 12 hour shifts at night..5 days a week. & so when he comes home he expects to sleep, which I understand. But then he sleeps until about 2 hours before he has to go to work & plays his video games, does whatever until then. So during that time I ask if he can take out the diaper genie, pick his clothes up off of the floor, or hold the baby while I wash bottles, & he gets so mad saying he's tired. But I'm tired too! I got up every 3 hours last night to feed the baby!! I don't have advice for you, but I have the same prob lol I need help too!!! It's not fair :(
    CaydensMama505

    Answer by CaydensMama505 at 12:09 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • In an odd way I got really lucky that I had to have emergency surgery when my oldest was just 2 weeks old. My DH got a good taste of what a no break day with an infant feels like. I never had an issue after that. In fact, he would offer to help whenever he could. I think he finally understood the more stressed out I was the more apt I was to go off on him..LOL, don't we all?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • TELL him that you work hard too. If he gets nights & weekends off, you should too, right? Don't get pissy with him b/c then he'll feel like you're attacking him. Start small... ask him to watch her for an hour while you do whatever... take a bath or lock yourself in the bedroom to play on the computer. I flat out told my husband that I'm not the Nanny AND the Maid, and I sure as hell don't get paid double, so he's going to help with either our Son or the Chores. He does a great job taking care of our son now when he's home... and I'll happily do the chores. The two of you have to come to some compromise.
    crazysocks830

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 12:43 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • My husband feels the same. he's busy w/school but as u know we need "mommy" time. After having surgery & he had 2take care of her & he's been better w/mommy time even though it may just be 2go grocery shopping by myself. My sister-n-law doesn't have it easy. She has 3 kids under4 & does everything by herself. I'm gonna take them 1 day a week to help her out & give my daughter playmates. Do u have family/friends u can lean on? Maybe u could trade days w/a friends child? It doesn't seem so bad if u break up ur week & do certain things on certain days like during nap time. We try 2get kids out of the house once a week & that helps w/behavior. I also have 2think bout how hard he works 2study & get good grades. He has to understand that being a mom is a full time job 4u! Good luck!
    kinzleysmommy

    Answer by kinzleysmommy at 1:52 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • I think most husbands look at it that way. Mine does minimal work around the house and that is after much nagging(which I hate to do). He will take our daughter and he did get up with her when we first brought her home but as far as laundry and dishes and such I am on my own I have gotten used to it at least Iknow it will get done.
    momto1727

    Answer by momto1727 at 2:03 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • THIS IS MY FIRST CHILD WITH MY NOW HUSBAND~BUT I HAVE A DAUGHTER FROM BEFORE THAT IS 5YRS OLD~AND I HAVE BEEN GETTING HIM PREPARED:I HAVE HIM HELPING TAKE CARE OF HER HALF WAY FOUR DAYS A WEEK,BEFORE AND AFTER HE TAKES HER TO THE BABYSITTERS{AS I WORK 12 HOUR SHIFTS ON THOSE DAYS} AND NOW THIS WEEK THEY HAVE TO TIDEY THE HOUSE A LITTLE BEFORE I GET HOME TO HELP ME OUT, AS IM TIRED TOO! I THINK "BABY STEPS" FOR THE MEN IN OUR LIVES ARE THE WAY TO GO AND ALSO TRY NOT TO "NAGG" THEM, DO IT IN A WAY THAT IS JUST ASKING THEM TO HELP MORE. ~HOPE THAT CAN HELP~ GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES! :)SMILES!
    KAYOCHOA

    Answer by KAYOCHOA at 3:30 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • The man is "old - fashioned" thats probably the way he was raised. What you do is completely up to you.

    What i did?

    Got a full time job as a Marketing Assistant in a great company, work 8-5 Mon-Fri.

    My son is now 15 months, and I would rather take care of him than my fiance, my son and i have a wonderful relationship only b/c i was his PRIMARY caregiver. He is independent when he wants to be, but he loves to cuddle with mommy.. and guess what... Daddy's jealous. and is showing him more affection than he ever has, hes realized it's not enough to just work, come home and give a kiss.. You feed, bathe and change diapers and THATS how you bond with your child.
    newmommyy322

    Answer by newmommyy322 at 4:59 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

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