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me and my dh bailed a friend out of jail.....

our friend who we have been trying to help straighten his life up got into some troublw and went to jail. we payed his bail it was 600 dollars his total bond was 5000 dollars.any suggestions on how we should try to keep him out of trouble? he gave this guy some money to use his truck so he could move and the guy stole the truck from a school. and our friend did not know it was stolen and now is getting charged with theft over 2500 dollars.. he has had some rough times but i feel it was a mistake to bail him out and aftaid i will loose 5000 dollars what should i do???does anyone know of a rehab for drugs? he does have a drug problem...any ideas

 
firstimemomm603

Asked by firstimemomm603 at 9:03 AM on Oct. 15, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 13 (1,111 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • well, if he wants the help, then maybe you could look into some sort of free counseling through a church or something. There is a recovery program through several churches that help with all kinds of addictions. Let him know that your help is conditional. You will only help if he is willing to help himself. Research free recovery programs in your area, help him find a job, make sure he makes all of his court dates, etc. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom to change, so if he is making an effort, then you should help him. If he will not make an effort, then you need to practice tough love.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 10:20 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • HE has to want to help himself.
    LyTe684

    Answer by LyTe684 at 9:05 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • we have told him that he is almost 24 and has nothing his family dont want him around. no girlfriend, no job, no nothing we have been there to help him when he is down and i feel like we r doing to much.
    firstimemomm603

    Answer by firstimemomm603 at 9:06 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Should have left him in jail. That's what he needs, a wake up call. Don't expect that money back.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • i dont exspect the money back but not to sure of what will happen if he messes up or if i get off the bail
    firstimemomm603

    Answer by firstimemomm603 at 9:24 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • i dont exspect the money back but not to sure of what will happen if he messes up or if i get off the bail

    If he doesnt show up for court and etc...you will be liable for the 5000
    mamakirs

    Answer by mamakirs at 4:30 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • You cant make someone change there life,they have to want it.If he continually repeats bad behavior,there may be nothing you can do.Even though he is your friend you may have to make some choices as far as continually bailing him out of situations.This isnt good for your financially or even for him.If he wants help there are resources out there,but he has to want it first.I had a friend like that,I eventually had to stop hanging around her and being friends with her as she didnt want to better herself,it was financially draining on us and we were in fact enabling her as we would constantly bail her out of every situation she got herself into.
    Nattiesmom9603

    Answer by Nattiesmom9603 at 4:28 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Honestly, it sounds like he's a risk, and that there's a good chance you're going to lose that bail. I know he's your friend, but sometimes you have to use "tough love" with a friend, too, not to mention that for something like this - with drugs or drinking problems involved - then that next high / drink is going to be worth more than any friendship, until HE wants help for his problem.

    Seriously, I think I would call his bail bondsman and see if you could get it revoked, and get yourselves off the bond.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:50 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • You have answered this question. Leave him in jail. He will dry out and then may want to get help. The hardest part is drying out. He can't excape jail. This seems cold and I'm sorry, you guys are in my prayers. You can't help, he must dry out, and jail will do that for him. If it's too late, unfortunately, your opportunity will come again. Best wishes.
    skrush

    Answer by skrush at 7:13 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

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