Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

When your DD gets her license, who will you allow in the car with her? And when her BF gets a car, will you allow her to ride w/him and under what circumstances?

My DH likes to play devils' advocate with questions like these, so I thought I'd throw this one out here for responses. We don't really like or trust said BF, think she can do boatloads better!! (She's trustworthy so far, and so are her girlfriends...don't know why she sticks w/this guy)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Oct. 15, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • You have to start letting go at some point and time, and this would be a start. I never put restrictions on who they could ride with, I just made sure that there was a habit of the seat belt no matter where they were sitting. I prayed a lot during those trying times when they first started driving, I left up to God to guard them, and kept track of where they were at all times.

    Regardless of who you approve to go with them or not, they will find a way to do what they want and you won't be around to stop it.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:32 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Several things come in to play. We have new laws that only allow teens to drive during specified times and with no passengers the first 6 months. Provisional lic. for a yr after that. Other than legal requirements..basically you trust until they give you reason not to trust. Afternoon outings first. Everyone gets home accident and drug free..you move to eveings. I am the Mom of boys so I can only give you that perspective. What I do know is most of the girls my oldest son dated were not allowed to one on one date until their Senior yr. Parents insisted it be at least 2 couples. The reality though..kids are going to do what they're going to do regardless. Trust your instincts and your daughter. Make a contract with her about getting in a car with ppl under the influence.. Here is a link to SADD


    http://www.sadd.org/contract.htm

    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:44 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I am very very lucky. I am the mother of three sons that have made it out of their teens and none of them have had any accidents. They are now 30, 26, and 20 and are all good drivers.

    I think it depends on the teen. I put restrictions on my oldest. He still thinks I was unfair. It was because he was the one that could and did get in the most trouble.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 9:58 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • My twin girls will be getting their licenses the first week of Nov. They are both pretty good drivers, although one tends to be heavy on the gas, the other too timid and uncertain. But to answer your question... I own the car and its use is up to me. They'll need a good reason to use it, and I have to know what liabilities they are creating (what time, where, with who,...) They'll get more & more freedom as time passes and I see them being honest & responsible. (less if I catch 'em lying or making bad decisions with my car) The state allows only 1 non-family passenger, which is fine with me.
    As for a BF, not an issue today, but when it is... I've already set the groundwork that a) they have to learn to drive a stick shift so that b) they are to take the guy's keys and get home if they are uncomfortable for any reason & can't call me.
    cutiemoose

    Answer by cutiemoose at 10:47 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • A number of peoplehave messaged me about the SADD contract. I will answer it here in case there are more questions. Yes, I did have a SADD contract with both my boys, and all my Girls(exchange students). The girls never needed to call me. My boys, a collective 3 times. Yes, it is hard to keep your cool and wait until the next day.Yes, I picked them up, took them home and put them to bed. A contract does not mean no punishment. It means they get a safe ride home with no questions or arguements at the time. In fact, on one occaision anyway, if I had gone off the night the incident occurred I may have damamged my relationship with my son. It was better for all concerned. The only thing I added to the contract was the statement. "I'd rather plan your wedding than your funeral".
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:42 AM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I would let her go. But give her a curfew. She porbably stays with this guy because there's something she must like about him.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 5:56 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • My ds got his license last April. Like a pp said, for the first 6 mos, there were a lot of State imposed restrictions on who he could have in the car - nobody under 18 unless they were an immediate family member, or their parent / guardian was also in the car. Then there were a bunch of other rules.

    Plus, family rules and contracts. We moved overseas before the 6 mos time was up, and he's allowed to drive on base here with others in the car. But, we set a limit on who, we have to know who in advance, and we have to meet the parents and THEY have to know and agree to having their kid in the car with our ds driving.

    There isn't anything wrong with telling her "no car dating", or, honestly, with telling her that when SHE can drive, that's fine, but she can't drive with him - because you don't know or trust his driving - nothing to do with HIM - the same with any driver...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:20 AM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Grn Eyed and I must live in the same state and I also did the SADD contract with the added warning since we bought the car it would be sold in a snap or given to a cousin if they drank and drove.So far one safely out of college(not really safe he deployed to Afghan last week) and our daughter in college and two more boys to go.As far as the dating she could ride with her bfs with prior approval, follow the rules warnings etc..I am able to volunteer at all the schools so I had usually met him a couple of times before they even went out.As has been said they grow up and it's hard to let go.You have to have Gumby arms.Good luck ,yall are on top of things.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 1:23 AM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • When my kids get their license they will be alowed to have anyone in THEIR car. No one but me drives MY car. But their car - their rules.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Oct. 16, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.