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how to help our sex life? (sorry if its too personal) please no bashing. thanks

Ok so.. my husband and i have completely different sex drives, his is on like overdrive and mine is like on idle. We have a beautiful DD 6 mo old. We fight all the time over sex. He doesn't feel loved. Hes reaching out for me and i know im the problem but i just don't know how to fix it. It seems like everytime he wants to, im either tired, not in the mood or something else is going on. I don't want it to get to a point where he feels like the love isn't enough and he might go somewhere else to get what his man needs are. Does anyone else have this problem. How did you fix it. Or what should i do? I am still very physically attracted to him! I love him with everything that i am but when it comes down to having sex i just put it off. I don't want my DH to be hurting anymore. I always say im going to change and then i don't and i think he's tired and just about had enough with not feeling wanted. Please help if you can.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Oct. 15, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • let him go down on you for a minute first, i GUARANTEE you will begin to enjoy it. Just lay there....

    Sometimes you just have to do it. even if you don't feel like it, i bet you will get aroused after a bit of fooling around. Men express love through sex. If they don't get it, no matter how much you tell them you love them, they feel less loved. Have sex with him because you love him, not because you're horny or not. Let me explain how it feels when a partner will not give it up.

    You feel unattractive, you feel unloved, you feel unwanted, you feel frustrated, you feel angry at times, you feel lonely, you feel sad....there are many emotions that come from lack of sex in a marriage. Just get to it girl. Go online & read some Litterotica for woman, that might help. Also, like i said earlier....ask him to go down town...you WILL get aroused after a few minutes. It's nature honey...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:40 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I'm in the same position. What keeps my husband happy is atleast getting a handjob or me making out with him while he does it himself. Give that a try. It's quicker and takes less energy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Is the sex good for you? Do you enjoy it.? I know when my husband and I have sex, he'll go through periods where he doesn't focus on me at all and when he gets like that I don't want to have sex at all, and we go weeks and sometimes months without sex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Make you time, be sure to take an extra nap. Try to get your self in the mood, by watching romantic sexy movies, do what you have to do. Sometimes your tired and once you start, you can't stop.

    You do have to watch, you no how many hookers would love to do your work, too many too mention. Handle your busy, so your man does not want to go anywhere else. That is how they get curious, but some are just pigs to begin with. :)
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 1:32 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Does he help you around the house and with the baby? If not when he says something tell him "Maybe if I got a little bit of extra help I wouldn't be so exhausted and would be in the mood." Or just talk to him and tell him that doing the little things really do go a long way, like taking the extra 5 min to just lay in bed and cuddle and rub your back before he starts trying. O rmaybe one day you both have off hire a babysitter and just spend all day home alone together.
    jedwards2009

    Answer by jedwards2009 at 1:38 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Sometimes we feel we don't want it but once we are in the moment we enjoy it. It seems to me you are overwhelmed and stressed out and it is affecting your marriage. Put a little effort, unwind with some wine or whatever, let yourself go for a while, disconnect from your stress and responsibilities and connect with an activity that is going to release some of that stress.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:41 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I think some of the answeres you are getting are good ..I think you need some time to relax maybe a date night will help you both to relax , were the evening is focused on the two of you. Let him know whats going if you shut him out he may very well look or find another way .. I for one is having the same problem but its my DH who does want sex and doesnt feel that months going with out it is a problem. I have not been able to find anything to help me but I hope we have helped you a bit .. one question I have for you is are you on the Pill ? the pill tends to give that effect a low sex drive .. Good luck ..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

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