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My future brother in law is an ASS!!

My fiancee and I were engaged August 1st. We announced it to our friends and my family, all of which were very excited for us and told us it was about time (We had been together for 2yrs). We then went to tell his brother (his only sibling and they were close). We went to their house to tell them in person (them being his brother and his wife) and it was pretty much a bashing session of how they don't think it is good for us to marry, how they never thought we would last this long, how they are glad we are waiting to get married till I am out of college, how they can't believe my fiancee picked someone like me, how I seem to have a hidden agenda (because I have a plan for our life, such as pay bills off, go to school, marriage, then kids...apparently thats a hidden agenda). They said since I was in the middle of a divorce when we met and that I have a son from that marriage...cont....

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worriedmommy600

Asked by worriedmommy600 at 4:01 PM on Oct. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 23 (16,335 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Wow, how can people turn such a happy thing like that into something mean? I am so sorry you went through that.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 4:03 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • that I they assumed we would break up right away and that I am not good for him ( because I don't come from a good family). His brother has a house a good job, married his highschool sweetheart, has never been drunk, and aparently ALWAYS makes the right choices. I guess because I made some bad ones and married an asshole that I am scum. Now I don't know what to do because I don't want to be around them for the holidays or anything else!! My fiancee stilll wants to go see them and thats fine but I don't know what to do. My fiancee understands how I feel and is angry they said that to but I know he still wants to see his brother. I however don't. I am very hurt and angry at his brother and wife for saying those things to me. How would you ladies go about this? I told my fiancee that he could go over anytime he wants to see his brother...it just makes me mad when he does cuz I feel he isn't supportine me. Am I being immature?
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 4:04 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I guess my question is do you think I am being immature for wanting to avoid them at all costs? I don't want to stop my fiancee from seeing him but at the same time I feel that going to spend time with him isn't supporting me or standing up for me with what his brother said. I thought his brother and I got along well, only to find out that he doesn't like me at all. I was crying and everything..sucked! Everyone else is so happy for us. I just don't want to be a bitch about this is all. I want to kill them with kindness and make them feel like shit...but I am SOOO uncomfortable to be around them (we BOTH went over there after that incident for the showing of their new porch..ugh!) They are SOO fake!! They think they are better than everyone and that they are perfect....I get along with most everyone, but I CAN'T stand people like that!! I would be happy for them if they weren't suck dicks!! Sorry, VENTING! lol
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 4:09 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • If you throw a fit about them seeing each other, your proving his brother's point. They sound like they have legitimate concerns about you and your relationship and it seems as though the brother thought that him and his brother were close enough for him to share those feelings with him. If your getting upset and thinking that it's ok to avoid them, than yes you are immature and selfish and shouldn't marry this guy.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 4:17 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Hey, My future brother in law is an ASS too!
    I am really mean to him whenever I feel like it and my fiance deals with it and he will NOT be the best man at the wedding because he drives me CRAZY. He is soo retarded and rude. He also smells terrible. :) Like a wet dog and feet!
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 4:19 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Ps. Dont kill him with kindness...this is not a time efficient method. Try rat poison. :)
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 4:20 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I think you should really stop and consider if you want to live with the people for the rest of your life. They are always going to be your in-laws. If you can't stand being around them now, it won't get any better, and your resentment toward your husband will only continue to intensify. If you can't find a way to deal with this situation and be happy about it, I would not marry into that family. I can tell you from experience that you can try as hard as you dare to try and make them love you, and they never will.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:24 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I think they were being nasty and there was nothing valid to what they are saying. Only an asshole would do that at an engagement announcement. It's one thing to take a sibling aside and ask questions or explain feelings but what they did was way out of line. I don't think you're being immature for feeling that he should support you. But, and please don't take this the wrong way because I'm not trying to be mean, if he's not supporting you now, he won't later in all likelyhood. I say this from very painful experience. My DH will do anything and eveyrthing for his parents and sisters and yet me and our children get nothing close to the same treatment. If at any point he tries to assert that we matter too, the next thing we know there is some huge crisis with his family only he can solve. They badger him or guilt him until the situation is just like it was. The question might be can you live with being second best?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • So Sara I should be ok with them degrading me and insulting me for an hour and telling my fiancee what a piece of shit I am and that we shouldn't get married? I should just eat that? I don't think so. I'm not stopping my fiancee from seeing me. It makes me uncomfortable so I will avoid them. Why do they have valid concerns? Because I had a child from a previous relationship? My ex was verbally and physically abusive...It took me 7yrs to finally leave him. My fiancee and I fell in love the night that we met and have been inseperable since. We knew it was too good to let wait while I let the papers for the divorce to get finalized. I don't think his brothers reasons are valid nor should he said them in front of me. I would have been happy for him to say congrats and talk about me behind my back.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 4:29 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I am not stopping him from seeing his "brother"

    oopsie
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 4:31 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

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