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How can I get control without sending her packing?

I have a 14 year old daughter who is absolutely boy crazy, doesnt want to help around the house, uses sarcasm constantly and is just downright mean to me and her siblings. She is always angry and unhappy and basically ignores what i ask her to do and if i say no she asks her dad's girlfriend. At our house she has a scheduled bedtime, she has daily chores, she has a curfew, a phone and computer limit, clothing restrictions and rules in general. Don't misunderstand, she does a lot: She is a cheerleader, a softball player, on the equestrian team, and an active member of her church teen group. If she gets her chores done she can go to friends' houses or they can come over. She goes to her dad's house on two afternoons a week with her younger brother (3-8pm) and everyother weekend. At his house she pretty much does what she wants, goes where she wants and has no chores etc. His girlfriend wants to be her best friend and buys tons!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Oct. 15, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I do have to say - your kiddo seems busy. and yes the sarcasim is soo hard to take. My daughter is starting that too. I would definantly adress the rudeness to family, and make sure she is at least making an effort to help the household out (remember our children are not perfect housekeepers and have thier own way of doing thins)

    as for dad's new girlfriend - sure let her spend the cash! you have it easy. granted she is "buying your daughters love" but most new gf's bitch about all the money spent on the kids and how much child support goes to them. Just make sure if you cant afford to spend the money that you show her that you love her buy being there, and letting her talk to you and just plain ole being her mom. that is something that new miss girlfriend can not do!

    Teens are rough. just help guide her and let her know she is always loved no matter what! GOOD LUCK
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 5:50 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Are her grades good? Is she getting into trouble? If not, I think you've got what most people call a "teenager."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I agree. sorry. If it bothers you that much, take her to counseling.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 5:02 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • First, what she does over at you EX's house you can not control. If she ever says anything about it just tell her "this is not your Dads house". If she is such a bad teenager, why is she still being able to do all these after school activities? You should stop letting her do anything tell she starts acting right. And take all her things away from her. Cell phone computer, tv, going to friends houses.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:03 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • I would personally take her out of the church group only because it really isn't helping her. She needs to quit helping with church if she is a "hellian" herself. I wouldn't want my daughter taking after someone who disrespects there mom and her rules.
    mammacjjc85

    Answer by mammacjjc85 at 5:04 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • First poster here: also, it sounds like she has a lot of structured activities. "This is after school, we have to be here by 4, do your homework, Saturdays we go here, Sundays we do church, don't forget the football game on Friday, today you go to your dad's" etc. I don't disagree with having extracurricular activities, but you've got one busy teen! She might be feeling overwhelmed what with her hormones going crazy, school, activities, chores and responsibilities...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Thanks for all of your responses. The small amount of space that I had to explain things in really limits things and can be misleading as often emails are. 1. she does get good grades and stays out of trouble for the most part. She is making bad friend choices and even worse boy choices. I agree that it is typical teen behavior, but wow it is painful when you want to help them make good choices and give them boundaries because you love them and all they do is get angry with you. 2. I am considering counseling, thanks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • More: 3. She does the activities to keep her busy and out of trouble. I am a working mom and her sitting at home after school would just breed trouble. I took her cell away, so her dad got her a new one, I ground her at my house, but then she isn't grounded at dads...4. Taking her out of the church group is not an option. You don't go to church because you're perfect. You go to church because you are not perfect and are working toward being more like Christ. She is around kids who are working toward the same thing. 5. She doesn't do all of those at one time. She has one activity per season. She tells me she likes to be busy, but she is always able to say she doesnt want to participate. There is no push to be in these if she doesnt want to be. 6. Thanks. It is her lack of concern for the way she treats people and for helping around the house that bugs me most about this part. GF is not new, just spiteful. U r right and I will
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 PM on Oct. 15, 2009