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What does "You don't know me!" mean in teen speak? I'm thinking it may mean "I don't know me, but I'm sure not you!"....but not sure.

I asked my 15 yr. old DD to tell me what I don't know~silence. She is pushing for more freedom to date (rule is not until 16), to use the computer without monitoring, and I don't know what else. She had more freedom a year ago, but her sneaky behavior and choice of creep boyfriend led us to come down on her with some real boundaries and limits. Too much time and energy devoted to BF (he apparently has no limits), and he sent her some crude messages and links online, and was quite controlling and sarcastic. Still sees him in school... There has been nothing but resentment since, even though she's a smart straight A student and quite musically talented, she has some attitude problems at home...does not understand our limits and feels she has no need for them since she's so "smart". She's mostly agreeable, but these outbursts kill me. We are not overly controlling parents compared to others we (and she) know. What are we to do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Oct. 15, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • u dont know me in teen terms means she is telling you that you dont know about her or how she does things so therefore u dont know her so maybe dont act like u do does that make sence? really she is trying to act like she is a grown adult

    Answer by firstimemomm603 at 6:26 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • Be careful with how tight you pull in her leash. ...I was a good kid, but the first time i made a bad choice my mom came down on me really hard. i rebelled. She still doesn't know about half the crap i did. ...When i got caught for a similar offense later on, she was much more lenient and as a result, i fixed my own problem.

    Also, a REALLY good book to read is "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk" ...excellent book. It might really help you out with your teen.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 6:31 PM on Oct. 15, 2009

  • When my sister had a jerky type bf my mom put total restrictions on her.She was a good girl too.That actually pushed them together.My uncle stepped in and talked to my mom and she changed the rules.The bf could come to the house when adults were there and they could be in the game room with lights on etc.So about three or four months later he was history.As far as the computer goes don't change.Same uncle was the head Federal Prosecutor for our region and the Internet stories would curl your hair.We have software and no room computers till summer before college.They are in the study and the gameroom.When our older children became teens my uncle would tell a couple of particular stories about good kids.and what happened to them.We still have middle school kids and over Thanksgiving he will have a chat with them.It stays in the backs of their minds because these are about good kids that are dead now.


    Answer by drfink at 1:49 AM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • imo it means get out of my face till i need you. you dont know what i do when your not around & your not going to find out~~~~ dig mom be nosey find out piss her off till she breaks a little, shes being a teenager but get in there & spy on her anyway you can, I DID!!!

    Answer by tntornado45 at 7:54 AM on Oct. 16, 2009



    Answer by tntornado45 at 7:56 AM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • My dd turned 16 in June and that was the dating age for us too. Her bf is someone we have know for a couple of years and like. But he is still a 16 yo walking hormone! She too is an honor student and has many interests. The bf is a good kid, but this summer they both made some bad choices, drinking and sneaking around. Luckily no sex, yet. That has been a conversation we have had often. I tell all my friends and any one who will listen, Talk and talk often about being smart and safe. Make sure they both know what you expect from them and this relationship. Yes, put her on a short leash but be careful about cutting off all ties to the bf. Have him to your house where the can be checked on. I have told my girls that I know as their mom I'm the last person they want to talk to, but I'm the first the should talk to. That is how you learn to know your kid and they learn to know you. Always as MOM not friend.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 11:19 AM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • When you give a child too much freedom too soon, it is really hard to rein them back in. It's much easier to give them new freedoms on a very gradual basis. I think the best thing you can do is tell her you made a mistake by allowing her too much freedom and that you saw that she was not yet ready to handle it. Explain to her that it is your job as her parent to protect her as best you can from making horrible mistakes that will have consequences for the rest of her life. She may not hear and believe you, but I would tell her the plain truth.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:37 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • OP here~excellent responses!! Just last night my DD came to me and said the reason she might seem to want to be an adult so soon is that she wants to see what the consequences would be if say, she didn't do her own laundry for a long time and didn't have anything to wear, or what would happen if we did not nag her anymore (we've all but stopped in most areas especially school, since she's very responsible on her own) to pick up (her room). So, I told her we've given her every opportunity to step up to the plate in these areas, but it has to be when she's ready and willing, not us. So, from now on, she will do her own laundry and I will just require her to let me vacuum in there 2x a month. And then...she came to tell me she knows that it went badly w/the bf...she sees that now, and she knows she's not looking for a life partner now, and she even thinks it will end, but not just yet. Also said she's going to be less lazy~hmm

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

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