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Should I contact the adoptive parents?? need advice!

My open adoption was closed a couple years ago for no reason and I would like to get the pictures that I was promised < I have the adoptive parents phone number and contact info should I just call and leave a nice message asking for them< its been years but i still really wonder how my kids are and just want to know there ok< i just want to see a picture of them so bad< this is killing me

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Oct. 16, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (27)
  • i would contact the agency and see if they can give you insight as to why it was closed...Maybe they can help you get the pictures

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 12:28 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • As an adoptive Mom I would say do not call them directly. If there is an agency write a letter and ask them to send it to the family. I would freak out if I got a call from the birth mom. There is always that worry that she will show up and cause problems, or try to kidnap them. It may not be realistic..but it is what I fear inside.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • It is a private independent adoption... no agency. I went through a facilitator and they are no longer in buisness. so now that i think about it contacting thme direct is the only way.

    i dont want to cause issues or disrupt there life, but they promised and this is killing me

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • I would write a letter rather than calling them. That way you can give them several days to process the fact that you've made contact, and not risk getting hung up on. Also, do you know if the contact info is still current. After you send the letter, wait a couple of weeks. If you get it back in the mail, you'll know they've moved and it may show their next address on it. Also, it will give them time to respond to you. Perhaps you can include your address, phone # and/or email address so that they can respond more quickly. (I hope they do!)

    Tell them that you hope everything is going well, that you know they are probably very busy, but that you would like to see how he/she's growing. That you look forward to hearing from them soon. Good luck!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:50 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Perhaps a minister or a social worker could be a go between .This might be that layer the amom talks about and someone that might help work out the issues.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • I had this happen to me after my son turned 12 - his aparents all but disappeared. They also moved and didn't tell me in that time frame. I sent letters as I always did twice a year with no responses or requests for pictures fulfilled (we did not have an agency just their lawyer and mine). After the last two letters came back return to sender- moved no forwarding address - I picked up the phone and called. My son's mother, was very nice to me on the phone, even sat in a parking lot for over hour to catch up with me on the phone. She agreed to have contact via phone every 6 months - although she has not followed through.

    I agree with Doodlebopfan - use a letter for initial contact, let them know how you are, ask how they are doing and let them know you'd like to see how he/she is doing. Not knowing your relationship with them this may be the best thing to do to start.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:33 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • If you think they have moved in less than a years time - When you send the letter, put a note on the front of the envelope POSTMASTER: do not forward. Address correction requested. Then the PO will not forward to the new address- but return the letter to you with the new forwarding address info.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • "I would freak out if I got a call from the birth mom. There is always that worry that she will show up and cause problems, or try to kidnap them. It may not be realistic..but it is what I fear inside."

    Anon - thanks for putting this out there! Just because we know a fear isn't realistic doesn't mean that we don't have them. I know that a lot of my feelings as an adoptee aren't "realistic" but they are my feelings and therefore impact how my initial reactions might be - especially if something takes me off guard.

    It's how we choose to act - desipte unrealistic feelings - that matter! Thank you for your honesty - I hope you don't get bashed for it.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:24 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • ANON 11:41, I agree with Port, it is refreshing to finally HEAR a Mom whom has adopted....just say her fears, instead of placing the blame on anything and everything else. I ,too, Thank You. However if it helps, it is most likely a very RARE First Mom, who is going to "lurk behind the bush", or "come to take her child back", if EVER! You are your childs Mom, relax and enjoy being MOM;) "WE" really do not want to STEAL our child back! JMHO, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 4:58 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • OP, I almost forgot, I agree with the others, try certified mail...first. Be prepared for the info to no longer be valid. This is the reason why OPEN ADOPTIONS, need to be legalized, and enforced. I am so sorry this has happened to you. I know MOST of the Moms on here , whom have adopted their children, are very good at keeping their promises, so maybe some of them will be able to give you some HELPFUL advice:) Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 5:03 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

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