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Is it just me or are you going through this too?

I am at work now, and was able to stay home with my son til he was 4.5 months. He is now 6 months, and I feel like my world is turned upside down! My DH is always moody, I feel like he never really helps me, and wonders why I am cranky from being up all night with the baby, and not giving him any. The sleep cycle since being back has gotten really hard. Eian, my son, would sleep all night, with MAYBE one feeding in between. He has been up since going back to work about 3+ a night, and it's killing me! I am still breast feeding, so it's killing me. I start work at 630, so need to be on the train by at least 6 am... HELP! Needed to vent - thanks!

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J98

Asked by J98 at 3:22 PM on Oct. 16, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (9)
  • I was there not to long ago, in someways I am still there. My DS still doesn't sleep all the way through the night. On positive noite yours is 6 months time to introduce solids, that should help ease up on the breastmilk reliance. Also have you considered co-sleeping this really helped me get more sleep. Also have you considered teething pain as the reason your LO is up multiple times a night.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:29 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • yes, the first year after our son was born was the very hardest on our relationship. I really didn' tknow how or if we'd even get through it. i stayed home til he was 2 months old and my husband was able to watch him 1 day a week and my mom the rest - but he was colicky and woke at night the same, 3 or more times -and my husband has zero patience which does NOT work with a colicky child so I took it ALL on, and he'd wonder why I wasn't in the mood either - we fought all the time, I resentful and angry even when we weren't fighting.. it was miserable and I was so sleep deprived and cried all the time... I say you need a major sit down and TELL him how you need to help to make this new experience better for BOTH of you. I slept when my son slept til he was well over 1 year old on the weekend, went to bed at night when he did etc.. I "asked" my husband to please help me around the house more so we could be less tense cont'd
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:33 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • towards each other - we HAD to get through this together and make it smoother and he did HAVE to realize that it was harder on me because of hormones, working, mommy guilt etc... it is harder.. period. Some house things will either have to wait AND he needs to help out to make things easier for you too!! Mommy NEEDS rest! its critial for your son!! and for your family. if it helps, I would look on the internet how stress on a BFing mother could transfer to that stress to your child and print it out for your husband and make him see and BELIEVE that things Have to change to get better.. !! my son turns 2 in 3 weeks so it wasn't long ago I was in your shoes.. I promise!
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:36 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Thank you both for some relief! I feel like I am going crzy here! My DH does work 6 days a week, but I work 7! He says just because I get up, he is up too, but thats not the same when he is still in bed, i am am up feeding and getting our son back to sleep... he has been a great sleeper too, even though he was colic for the first 12 weeks! That's another thing, my DH had no patience either, which was very hard! Thank God I did! It's not theri fault, and he did know that. I don't want that stress to go to Eian! That makes me sad just thinking about that... I try so hard for it to be happy, and I know I am really sad due to having to leave my DS too! I knwo he is in good hands, but want to be the one with him... it's so hard to leave that little face every morning.
    J98

    Answer by J98 at 3:48 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Oh, you're absolutely NOT the only one...in fact, you'd be odd woman out if this DIDN'T happen.

    Life has changed and it takes time to find your new depth.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:24 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Preachin' to the choir here, honey. Preachin' to the choir.

    My daughter is almost 10 months old, and it's been so hard on my husband and I. We're struggling through it, we barely have any money and we barely ever want to spend time together anymore. You just have to push through and remember that deep down under all the stress and financial trouble and baby issues, there's love holding the family together. Communication is SO important, even if it hurts to talk about certain things. When you discuss your problems, make sure there are absolutely no distractions, just you and your husband. I think most, if not all, moms go through some trials and troubles during the first year. If I can do it, though, I know you can too =)
    caitxrawks

    Answer by caitxrawks at 5:14 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • is commen for breastfed babies to want to n urse more if mom goes back to work. they want that closenbess they are used to. enjoy it if u can. tell hubby u need to enjoy these times and to help your child have more respect for him and a closer bond, then the best thing hubby can do is help on chores and,,, most importantly love his childs mom . tell him 90 percent of what baby learns is by age five. 1/2 of that.. believe or not is by age 2. he better teach baby what is best......
    LuiggiValentin

    Answer by LuiggiValentin at 5:35 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Oh, I also recommend during your "talks" you will have, never to BLAME - but to "suggest" certain things to change, When my son was going through colic that was very important. We both felt insecure and tried our best - we figured out I am better in certain area's and he is better in certain area's NOW but then it was easy to blame and blame for certain things during anger - and striking someone's parenting skills or providing skills can scar for too long - longer than its worth. No, you are not alone - I promise- email me anytime you want to vent, talk or just to know you are not alone.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:38 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • I stayed home with my baby till she was 4 months and she is now 5 1/2 months so Im still in that transisition stage too. My DD was sleeping through the night also until I went back to work, she is FF, and is up now multiple times a night. My DH has slept in the guest room since before the baby was born and he is no help at all. He recently quit his job and I work full time and he still doesn't help me with the baby or anything else for that matter. I still have to pay for and take her to daycare because he can't handle her all day. I just keep telling myself it has to get easier but the bottom line is I hate paying someone else to raise my child. I want to be home with her so bad. I know it's hard but we gotta do what we gotta do even though it sucks sometimes.
    Colie68

    Answer by Colie68 at 7:05 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

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