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How can I tell if my husband is abusing alcohol?

My husband drinks everyday. He has at least 2-3 beers everyday and on weekend first thing he does is smoke and drink till the afternoon. He has never been emotionally or physically abusive but to me it seems like he just can't stop drinking. The only reason he enjoys going out is so he can drink and really only likes to hang out with other people are drinking. No matter what I do, I can't make him see he has a problem. Either he just changes the topic or we argue and he thinks I'm picking on him and trues to make me feel guilty. I have never been a drinker or really known anyone who's been an excessive drinker so I really don't know what signs to look. How can I make him see he has a problem?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Oct. 16, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • ....I agree with the others, get as much information as you can so that when he is ready you will be able to support him. If it gets really bad or hard for you, go to a friends house for a few days and recover. That alone may tell him that his behavior hurts you and your son's relationship with him. It is good that he doesn't drink as much as he used to. You have that, at least. Don't hang around forever hoping you can change him, though. If that is the only reason you have for staying, don't. Eventually it won't be enough of a reason not to drink; the reasons have to be internal to make it last. Sorry for the ramble. Good luck.

    Answer by preacherskid at 5:37 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • is it affecting his life? there are quizzes online that help you determine if you are an alcoholic. My guess is he wont stop drinking until it messes up his life and he has to. You can look up al-anon online and get some helpful information about living with an alcoholic. It is very interesting and their are very specific things you should and shouldnt do.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:41 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • First of all, you can't make him "see" he has a problem. Most alcoholics are in denial about thier addictions until the day they die. It is very hard to tell what qualifies someone as an alcoholic, but the line from social drinker to someone with a problem can be crossed very quickly. My husband used to casually drink without a problem, even though he usually did consume some form of alcohol everyday. Then he began to get mean and irrational when he would drink and began to get "drunk." It is usually a slow journey. Does he need it? Can he skip a day without beer and not show his ass about it? Does he get drunk? Does he consume liquor too? I don't know what to tell you but you have a right to be concerned. Please read some of my journals and if you would like to join my group Widowed By Alcoholism to read some of the posts, please apply. I won't disclose your identity to anyone.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 3:52 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Can't believe I didn't include this in my first post......Does he drink and drive?

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 3:52 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • 2 or 3 drinks, is not an alcoholic, does he drink till he passes out? Does he get loaded every weekend? Has he had DUI's? Does drinking affect his interaction with the kids? Maybe you should make a bet with him, see if he can go 1 week without drinking? You pick whatever he likes the most as a reward. If he gets really upset over it, he might have a problem, but unfortunately, only the addict can cure themselves, no nagging going to change him. Do one or both of his parents have a drinking problem? My girlfriends family is catholic, and they drink much more than my family, but she was raised as part of her culture, they celebrate with alcohol, but none have a problem with it. Al-Anon is a good place to start, but first I think you must figure out if he has a problem or if it is just bothering you. Good luck!

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:57 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Thanks for all the responses so far.

    Ummm...before we were married he used to drink alot more...and a lot of hard Liquor and at that time he used to pass out and wake up places and would have no idea how he got there. He doesn't drink like that anymore, but would if my son and I weren't in his life. He still will drive with a buzz even now. The reason I think he has a problem is he feels like he can't make it throughout the day without a drink. When he comes home from work, he usually quickly kiss both me and my son and then goes outside and when I get mad at him, he says it's the only thing that relaxes him. Only when he is "done his drinking" will he spend time with us. I get mad that he feels like he can't wind down his day with us and needs a drink to do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Uh, oh, Sister, red flag alert! He definitely has a problem. My husband used to make those exact same comments. Clearly he can't function normally without it, even if it is just in the evenings, you have to act and do something, now!

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 4:14 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • It doees sound as if he is alcoholic. DH is a recovered alcoholic, almost seven years now. Unfortunately, you can't make him see what drinking is doing to his life until he is ready. You can't MAKE him quit. He has to do that himself. My husband drank everything he could, every weekend and through the week with his friends until he woke up one day, not knowing where he was , how he got there, covered in all sorts of nasty stuff.
    The need never goes away. We don't keep any alcohol in the house. He has wine once a week for his heart, and a friend brings it and takes it home. There are still days he says he could use a drink. Talk to him, if he gets unreasonable, keep trying. You can tell him how it affects you, he has to decide if he wants to change....

    Answer by preacherskid at 5:31 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • I think a sign is if he drinks for breakfast, if he replaces food with booze, specially in the morning!

    Answer by older at 5:31 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Just wanna thank everyone for the great advise

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 PM on Oct. 20, 2009