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My poor husband...

My DH was not blessed in the area of caring parents. His dad walked out when he was 4 after cheating on his mom in front of him, and came back 3 yrs later with a new wife and expected to have a relationship w/ DH, but all he ever was, was a domineering jerk that expected DH and his sis to clean and cook and take care of the house while he and his wife partied. His mom raised him mostly, but she has her share of problems (is controlling, self-absorbed, and mean to DH). Now, DH is being put through the ringer w/ both of them again, with his mom constantly complaining about ME and how I take DH's time away from her, while all she really wants is DH to run errands for her and loan her money. And his dad has suddenly decided to "cut him off" b/c DH supposedly doesn't have "enough time for him" anymore. But DH is working 50+ hr weeks and raising a family! I feel so bad for DH. How can I help him through this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Oct. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Hubby should at the very least stand up, be a man, and defend you against the birage of attacks against you by the mom. Its sad when spouses are abused as kids (if I understood your post correctly) coz it leaves a bad taste in the marriage. But if your marriage is solid enough let him know he can talk to you about anything and give a supply of daily hugs!
    revmorgan

    Answer by revmorgan at 5:10 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Wow, I'm so sorry. When our husbands hurt, it hurts us, and I guess that's a good sign because it's a sign that we're ONE. I don't think there's any magical answer to your question, except to let him know how much you love and support him, be there when he needs to talk (if he talks), be there to soothe him at the end of the day. Cook his favorite food, give him a massage or a foot rub after the worst days. Does he have a "love language"? They say there are five: touch, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, and quality time. Find out what his is, and pour it on! Tell him how proud you are that he didn't turn out like his parents! Good luck!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 5:10 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • He's a grown man. His parents had the chance to be real parents to him and they blew it. IMO they forfeited rights when they treated him like crap. Just support whatever he chooses to do but if it were my parents, I wouldn't do anything to appease them. They sound like no matter what he does he can't please either one so I say please himself and just love his own wife and kids.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:26 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • OP here - OMG, I cannot believe the day DH is having. Dealing w/ all his family stuff and just now his "best friend" called and left him a msg saying that he is a jerk for not having his "priorities straight" about his family and that he was cutting him off, too! WTF?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:44 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • That is why we should "leave and cleave".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • OP - Apparently, DH's mom called DH's best friend and told him some (completely untrue) sob story about how DH and I are mean to her, and THAT is why he left that msg! I worked it out with DH's friend, but jesus H christ, what does a guy have to do to get a break? DH's friend wants us all to sit down with my MIL and have it out, but I think that will make things worse! I am so lost, and feel so bad for my DH, who works hard and is a great dad and doesn't deserve any of this!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • He needs to see a licensed Family counselor and learn how to set healthy boundaries with his extended family. I've been through similar issues and the learning to set boundaries is a life saver.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 7:14 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

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