Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do we confront her?

My MIL has been treating DH, me, DH's sister, and her fiancee like her personal scapegoats. She calls DH and his sister constantly wanting money and rides to the store and all (but never mentions seeing our kids or us), and when any of us piss her off (which is a common occurance) she turns around and lies about what one did to the others, in the hopes that it will start fights between us. Just today she called DH's best friend and told him that DH and I are "mean" to her and didn't invite her to our son's bday party (there was no party) so DH's friend calls DH and leaves him this horrible msg about how he's a jerk to his mom. My DH doesn't deserve this - he is a hard working guy with a family and is doing his best to take care of us while also pleasing his mom, which is utterly impossible. All us "kids" have decided to confront her about her behavior, but how do we do that? She will take anything we say as an attack.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Oct. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • i would quickly inform her that she could be placed in a home. but since im assuming that you probably dont want to be like that (lol) i would just be blunt and firm.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • shell feel attacked...and she should---make sure everyone is sending the same message loud and clear---no holding back no wishy washy stuff---everyone has to let her know they know whats been going on and they wont let it continue to happen

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 6:38 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Instead of an "intervention" type thing I would think it would be more productive of you to call her out when she acts up.
    For example, as soon as DH's friend called him, DH should have called your mother and told her that there was no party and he sees what she is trying to do.
    DH and your SIL should have called her to let her know that they wouldnt be buying into the garbage of gossip and rumors.
    Next time, say "that's funny, I will have to talk to "So and So" about that.

    Answer by jenellemarie at 6:45 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Two choices basically. Either you ALL step up together and confront her. Every person has to speak not just one so she can't turn it around later saying one person instigated the whole thing. OR you can all get together and agree to not take her calls and cut her off for a while. You might want to confront and then cut her off. She has to learn that her behavior elicits consequences. She acts like a jerk and you refuse to talk to her or see her for a month.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:47 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • That's tough. I agree though, everyone has to be on board or the ones who aren't are gonna become the favorites and ya'll will be the "mean" ones she talks about. My DH calmly and privately confronted his Mom about her hateful behavior toward me... and she started screaming like a lunatic calling attention to the whole thing and later accused him of being on drugs. She insisted he was making it all up. No joke. If he had his brother and sister there, too, she might have taken that better. She does the same thing. She exaggerates and tattles. Tell her if she doesn't grow up its her own fault for missing out on her grandkids' lives.

    Answer by kbates1208 at 7:51 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • She will probably be thrilled having everyone come over thinking it's Drama Queen night. It will take her a few minutes to realize no one is there to worship her! Just have everyone meet at her house or invite her over and have everyone there and say "Let's talk".

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:01 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • HAHAHAHA! I agree!

    "She will probably be thrilled having everyone come over thinking it's Drama Queen night."

    Answer by kbates1208 at 8:05 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • It doesn't sound like she's mentally stable. She sounds like she is emotionally needy and in need of constant attention. She may need to get professional help for this sort of behavior. Rather than a full on confrontation you may all try to gently suggest that she needs help. -Just a thought.

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:31 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

  • Sounds like my MIL a few years ago. She needed put in her place bad! We all talked about it and took our turns as she handed them out. We all swore the next time she said or did some thing we would speak up. Politely but openly. This is how it is or we're distancing ourselves from you. PERIOD! She ended up getting the hint, after she threw herself a pity party and cried for about a month. She got over it and has figured out that we all grew up and she's not in charge any more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Oct. 16, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.