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What do I do to regain control in my house?

My 17 year son constantly belittles me, disrespects me, taking my things without asking (cell phone, house keys), running up my cell bill (then laughing about it), and at times yelling at me. I'm not sure what to do, could I get a little advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:36 AM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • strip down his privileges. make sure he can't get to your phone/keys. take the door off his room. take away his car. you have to take control back. if he's going to act like a brat, then take away his privileges and make him earn them back.
    sassbott_5000

    Answer by sassbott_5000 at 1:39 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • How about taking away everything that you "purchased" and leaving him with nothing but what is actually "his". Leave him with the bare necessities, and tell him if he can't respect you and what you do for him, then he needs to make it on his own. Put him in his place. Without you, he probabl doesn't have much, if anyting. Sometimes, at that age, the fail to realize that. He is too old, to be treating you like that, and you shold not for one moment take it. Good luck momma!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • No. Do not strip down his privileges. Take away permanently his privileges. My dd was the same except she doesnt drive. She no longer has an ipod of computer anywhere in my house. She can only use the computer in front of me. She repeats chores constantly because of attitude. I tell her that's ok the job hs to be done no matter how long it takes. It's my job to teach respect while she's in my house so that afterwards when she's on her own she has a background to make her decisions and life from without needing me to decide.

    My house my rules. I've taken away tings from each of my three kids at times. Bad behavior is permanent loss not temporary.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 1:53 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • This is a fun age (Yes, that is sarcasm). I've been going through this for the past few years with my SS and SD. Yeah, that's right, it's twice the fun when you're the evil stepmonster. So after several years of yelling, screaming, name calling and at times physically defending myself, this is what I've learned. Firm, fair and consistant. Sit him down for a family conference. Explain to him what your expectations are, what the rewards are for meeting your expectations and what the consequences are when he does not meet your expectations. Then stick with it. Punishment is completely diffent from consequences. Punishment teaches them resentment. Consequences are the natural outcome of their behavior.

    Continued....
    always_chris

    Answer by always_chris at 2:25 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • These days I no long have to wash their mouth out with soap when they curse. They walk over to the sink and put some dish liquid on their finger and put it in their own mouth. They make ugly faces. They give me the evil eye. They know that this is the natural consequence to their behavior. If they fail to clean their room and I’ve been after them about it for a few days then I give them the warning. If the room isn’t clean by dinner time then you lose your TV for one week. If the room isn’t clean by dinner they bring the TV downstairs themselves and put it on the landing. The fact that they know that this is what will happen if they do not do what is expected of them has dramatically cut down on the arguing. If they get anything lower than a C on a report card they know better than to ask to go out.
    always_chris

    Answer by always_chris at 2:25 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I agree with always chris....Very firm and consistent.
    oliviahank

    Answer by oliviahank at 2:39 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Unfortunatly, tough love is the only way. Stick to it. Even a very stuborn child will come around. Say what you mean and mean what you say. No exceptions. This is very hard. I know. But it is sooooo worth it.
    annthomas

    Answer by annthomas at 3:23 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • TAKE EVERYTHING BUT HIS BED away from him. He doesn't get anything back until he earns it by being respectful and not taking things that belong to others. LOCK your bedroom door and put all your things in there. He needs tough love, now. Take even his clothes and hand him clothes each day. You need to be firm and consistent. If you were all along, you never would have lost the control. If he takes something that doesn't belong to him, call the cops. They will gladly have a talk with him. He needs consequences for his actions. Tell him if he doesn't respect you and stop taking things from you, the day he turns 18 he will get first. last and escrow on an apartment of his own.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:50 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I haven't gone through this myself, but my parents did with my little sister. in their situation, unfortunately, they had been letting this go on since she was born, so when they finally had enough, they tried to 'lay down the rules' and she already knew that she would win (cause she always has). she ended up preg at 17, prostituting & doing drugs before she FINALLY pulled herself together. But that is TOO much for a 17 year old to go though! OMG...anyways. I tried to offer them advice, but nothing seemed to help. 17 year olds can be kinda scary, especially when they are belittling you. i hope its not getting physical for you. a book that i read that helped me with giving my parents advice was Dr. Phil's Family First. There is a chapter that talks about what type of parent you are vs. what type of child you have and then he tells you how to react with your child (teen in ur case). GOOD luck, don't give up...you're all he has!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • He is just stepping all over you it is time to draw the line girl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

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