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Does having a baby mean my life is over?

Sorry I worded it so dramatically... lol

The thing is: I'm 20 years old, 9 months pregnant. My boyfriend is the baby's father and we live together. We realize it's going to be a challenge raising this baby as young and as poor as we are. We realize there will be sacrifices. I feel guilty but I am so ready to have this baby and a big part of it is because I want my life back!!! I still want to go to parties and concerts and be a kid just a LITTLE. Obviously my baby will come first, but lately a lot of people keep making comments to me like I won't be able to do anything once I have a baby. That scares the hell out of me. I'm only 20. I quit smoking the moment I found out I was pregnant. I haven't had a drop of alcohol. When my body is finally mine again maybe I want to drink now and then or have a cigarette. Is that going to be so impossible now? Am I really going to ruin my kids life if I smoke a joint ever again?


Asked by Tashwitz at 6:08 AM on Oct. 17, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (48)
  • Different, but definitely not over. You will have new meaning in life, a new purpose, and partying won't be a top priority. Once the early crazy days are over you it will be much easier for you to arrange a sitter so you can go out once in a while (although you will miss your little one as much as you thought you needed a break!) or have a drink or a j at home with your boyfriend after s/he is in bed. I was 22 and someone who really liked her personal space and time to herself and I thought my life would be over also but my dd just made our lives better. More complicated, but fulfilled in a way I could have never imagined. Congratulations, and good luck!

    Answer by Karinza at 8:54 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Your life def wont be over but for the first few months you will be so busy and exhausted that you wont want to go out. Its gonna be rough at first but when you find your routine then things will get smoother. I dont think Id do the joint thing unless you are ready for CPS to interveine. Things like that are too risky and should really not be talked about loosely. I understand what you meant but just keep in mind that others wont. GL

    Answer by Steph319 at 6:16 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • and its funny how those partying days are a quickly a thing of the past once your a mom. And I mean by choice. The first time I went out after dd was born (3mths) I drank a little too much and felt like crap the next day. I def didnt miss those nights especially when I was getting up to feed a newborn lol

    Answer by Steph319 at 6:18 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Thank you! I knew people would get mad about the joint thing, but I had to throw it in there. Before I was pregnant I didn't smoke MJ on a regular basis, but since I've been pregnant and not 'allowed' for 9 months, now I reallllllly want to, just one more time lol.

    Answer by Tashwitz at 6:33 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I was 21 when I had my first daughter. I too felt the same way you did. Its hard. I started smoking again, after I gave birth, and went out once a month with DH and friends. Its not going to be like when you werent a mother. You go out and worry the whole time about your kids! Ha Ha. But it get easier, and they get older. Then you'll find yourself asking the same questions I am....Wow now what do I do?! Mine are all teens now and I have the time to go out and have fun, but after all these years of raising kids, it take a little getting use to! I may seem like a lifetime of commitment right now, but it goes by so fast. Trust me!

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 6:34 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Your life is going to be DIFFERENT. It will never be the same and it will take you time to adjust and get used to being a mom. When I first went out partying, I was riding in the back seat with friends. The driver had been drinking and I thought we might not make it home. One of my friends kept telling him to be careful because a mother was in the car and her child needed her. I seriously sobered up and regretted putting myself in that situation. I thought of my daughter and what would happen to her if I got killed for being stupid. After that, I have partied on occasion but only when I had money to take a taxi or was staying in a hotel. I had to take her into consideration when debating any decision. The thought of having to spend any time in jail away from my family keeps me 100% free of any kind of activity that could get me arrested. You have to still make time for yourself to have "a life" but in a safe way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Your life isn't over just because you have kids. You won't be able to go out all the time but IMO it's important to have some adult time at least a couple of times a month and it gets easier to do that as your kids get older.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 7:09 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Your life is not over. You are beginning a new chapter in your life.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:20 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • You're life won't be over until you die.

    You should not be so selfish though, and consider your baby before you decide to partake in illegal activity.

    Your life will be different, you have someone totally dependent upon you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:39 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I always think that life isn't over when I have a baby--- it just goes on hold for a while. At first, it is all incompassing, but eventually its like your brain turns back on. I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first and 20 when I had him. I remember one night they were having a work bowling party and I wanted to go out- just one more time- and not be pregnant or a mom. I seriously spent that night crying my eyes out in bed (my poor hubby didn't know what to do). Its going to be OK. You're going to be human again, I promise. It may take a while, but it will happen. Good luck!

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 8:00 AM on Oct. 17, 2009