Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

ok so the doctor said my mom needs hospice...

so i called the hospice and they came out yesterday and told her that she didn't qualify because she had friends, and family that could help her. WTF i feel bad enough cause i can't just jump up and go down there everytime she needs me. i live 2 and half hours away. i have a DD who is in public school and has already missed enough days with the flu. i wont pull her out of this school and put her back in that school down there. she hates it there. my hands are tied. what can i do? i have a brother down there about 4 miles from her but his wife wont let him go to her house. her sisters and brothers wont help, she does have a friend that comes by once a day to help. i don't know what to do?

Answer Question

Asked by okc-mom-2 at 8:22 AM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Health

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Have you tried explaining this to them. I know someone who's mother was put in hospice and she had tons of family and friends. Hospice is suppose to be there to help friends and family too, not just the loved one! Good Luck and maybe just try calling and talking to someone else!

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 9:21 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • i'm sorry about this-its a difficult time for you.
    why wasn't this said to the hospice? if they think she's got people who can help, what gave them that impression? it doesn't make sense to me; my uncle had hospice last spring, and his wife and adult daughter/SIL lived there together. all healthy available persons.
    you are going to have to revisit hospice..or give your wimpy-brother a kick in the pants. wth does his wife mean she won't let him go to his moms house? i'd slap that little girl and tell her to 'MYOB-this is our mother, like it or lump it', but brother needs to step up.

    Answer by thehairnazi at 9:23 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I am so sorry that you are going through this. Check with your mom's insurance company; she may qualify for home-hospice care (perhaps at your home?).

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:15 AM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Im not so sure you were given all the proper information from the hospice company you talked to. Im sorry you are in this position, its a difficult one to say the least. You have the right to pick and choose (or your mom does) of what ever hospice company she chooses to use. You can call another hospice agency and see if they will take her on as a patient. Also, hospice isnt for if you have people to take care of you or not, its for the end of life and you have to have a life expectancy of 6 mos or less ( maybe 1 yr) Call another agency, PM me if you want, I used to work as a home health nurse for many years, I may have more info for you (Im also in OK)

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 12:36 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • There isn't just one hospice organization in that area, is there? Do some shopping around.

    But BE AWARE. Not all hospices provide the same services.

    The non- profit hospice organization that my parents used sent a nurse once a week in the beginning, and then every couple of days, to take vitals. They'd send a volunteer every other day for bathing and light chores. All for free. When my parents were at end stage, we hired an in-home nursing company to provide care when we couldn't be there ourselves....the hospice didn't do that.

    Depending on the illness, there may be services through other agencies. The American Cancer Society can set up transportation to and from doctor appointments and cancer treatments. Senior centers will set up Meals on Wheels deliveries.

    In Home Supportive Services may also be available through the state.

    Call the local agency on aging to get help. It *is* out there, but sometimes you need guidance,

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:25 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I am very sorry that you are going through all of this. My Mom passed away last November and we had to put her in hospice care as well. She was dying from cancer. they had asked if any of us could help and we all said no. Not because we did not want to of course but rather because we all have full time jobs and could not be with her every day. I would have loved to leave my job and be with my mom the whole time, but it is not possible since I am the only one working with three kids.
    If I were you I would call them again and plead your case to them again and if they still do not accept her then you need to get her doctor involved and see if he can get her approved. I wish you the best and I will pray for your mom

    Answer by 1990grad at 8:59 PM on Oct. 25, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.