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Ok, heres the story. My son is two, he has not been around his bio father but maybe 3 times in the two years. He filed for partial shared custody and legal(his mothers doing) I dont know what to do. He has never been around, his mother was in the beginning. Its been 6 months with no contact, i printed out cell/house/txt msgs for the last year. It shows that i have made contact with him, which i have and hardly anything in return(will look good cuz he said he tried contact and i refused it) Last contact was a day before easter his mom was supposed to come get my son--never showed. His bday was this month.. no card, nothing. Payed support until this month. Wants overnight 2 nights noon-noon, and 9am-12. I dont mind him having visitation-he has the right, but this overnight stuff is killing me. My son knows none of them him/mother. has anyone been through this, what do u think the outcome will be?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (6)
  • My ex tried that with me too. There was no contact, no card/ birthday presents etc. The court granted some visitation, including 2 weeks over the summer, because we lived states apart. After the court "said it was ok" we never heard from my ex again. Not once. No requests for visitation, nothing. I went to counselling because I was so upset about the idea. That might help you too. My son is almost 19 now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • If I were you, I'd ask for the visits to be monitored at first, and only once a week, no overnights for at least a year. The father needs to show that he will make the continued effort to be in his child's life.
    Monitored visits at least 6 months before unmonitored day visits. Continue to keep records of everything you can. Write down everything everyone says, along with the date and time. Keeping good records also shows the court that you have your son's best interests at heart. Make sure you tell them that the father has had pretty much no contact either.

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 1:20 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • If he's paying shild support he will get visitation. Usally in cases such as yours he will stop pesting as soon as he get want he wants. Let it ride out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • If he's paying child support, that doesn't mean he WILL get visitation. One does not always mean the other.

    You need to speak to a lawyer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • My ex also requested something like this when my son was 14 mo, and he'd NEVER seen him. (Also, it was done because his mother wanted it.) In California (where I am), you always have to go to mediation before you go to court. In my case, the mediator convinced him that what he wanted was nuts and he needed to show a CONSISTENT effort (at least 6 months) of supervised visits before getting anything more, so he agreed to that (supervised visits) and we did not go to court (to a judge). It has now been 9 months and he has not bothered to change the arrangement.

    I'd recommend finding a lawyer, if you can at all afford it. (Even if it mean credit card debt, because this is your child's life.) I learned not all lawyers are created equal; DEFINITELY shop around before you commit to one.

    If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to PM me. I understand what you're going through. Hang in there, take it one day at a time.

    Answer by ratviolin at 4:17 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I should also add that here in CA, there are "guidelines" for age ranges, and amount/length of visitation. For a toddler, overnight visits are ONLY recommended if the child has had near DAILY contact with the other parent from birth/very young age. If that is not the case (as it is not the case in your case, nor was it in mine), then the recommendation is short (1-4 hour) visits several times a week to start, progressing to 8 hour visits after several months of consistency. Visitation should be based on what's best for the child, and child psychologists indicate that keeping a child's routine intact as much as possible and having absolutely as much consistency as possible with caregivers is key to their healthy emotional development. Which you know, and that's why this overnight stuff is killing you. This is something you can bring up to bio-dad, mediator (they'll already know, but it's good to remind), court, etc.

    Answer by ratviolin at 4:26 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

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