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What would you do in my shoes?

Our humble family and I moved up from one state to another in October with the prospects of better jobs and my parents willing to support us in their home until we got to our feet. In the previous state, my DH's home state, he did have a pretty good job, but after I had a premature son, it seemed like we couldn't catch up and we were slowly sinking. We lived with his parents for a while.

Anyway. We've lived with my parents for a year, and it's not the greatest. They just haven't changed. It's always them telling me that if "I don't like it, I can just get out" which makes sense. My mother always tells me to clean, it feels like I should be 24/7. Scrub the floors, sweep the floors, clean the furniture, do the yardwork, pick up after your dogs, etc. All reasonable, but after being told that every day, 3-4 times a day, you start getting a little annoyed.

Needless to say. We're thinking about moving back... Continued.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (9)
  • My DH made more when we were living in said other state, and it was much cheaper living there.
    We keep waiting and waiting for any word of him being able to re-enlist, we've worked with recruiters, Army HR, the base over here, everything since last December. It's ridiculous. He finally has a physical to re-evaluate (he was temporarily medically discharged) and he'll be able to get a round trip ticket.
    I've tried just waiting it out until we know if he's back in.
    But I'm pregnant and losing my mind.

    Granted there's a lot of back history with my parents, particularly my mother and I, but, what would you ladies do?
    Move? Or stay here.

    Getting an apartment is ridiculous over here. It's incredibly expensive, and the amount that we can pay for an apt, we can move back down and have money left over for a rental house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I would just wait and see if he does get back in the army, if you problem solved, if not, what is your dad' s role in this? I would probably move back, but would be dead set that I wouldn't be asking for their help again, and look I don't want to be rude, but it probably wasn't the best idea to get PG again during all of this chaos, I know what's done is done, but I would imagine that your Mom is resentful, if thats the feeling you get, I would go back!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:32 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Why would he join the army again if your pregnant and already have a kid? That's ridiculous. For him to even consider leaving his family for that. The money isn't going to be any better, unless he's making crap right not. I would stay with your parents for now. So you have to clean...It's not like your working. If you leave, don't come back. It's not fair to them.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 1:38 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Well, being an older mother, myself, and having daughters ages 23. 18. and 15, I would suggest that you stop moving around without a decent prospect. You're in a sticky situation and there is not going to be an easy fix no matter how many times you move.

    Trust me, it's no vacation for your parents either. Why would you expect them to change?

    It's very difficult for us "old folks" to take adult children back in. It is, after all, our house and we have lives too. I understand you not wanting to be treated like a child. But your parents don't want to be treated like servents either. As an adult, YOU should not have to be told to clean up after your own dogs. You should not have to be asked 3-4 times a day to pitch in. You need to just do it. Adults WORK. Adults clean up after themselves and do the daily chores. Do you really think you should be able to just move in with someone else and not pitch in?
    Julie411me

    Answer by Julie411me at 1:39 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • You've lived with your/his parents & got pregnant again? What were you thinking , get your life together before adding to it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • well i read it all and now i should probably comment...i live with my MIL and FIL now because we are remodeling a house. before when i had my first child, i have 4 now, i lived with my mom and also ended up living with his parents as well. it was fricken hell living with the inlaws so i pushed my own way and told the hubby we HAD to move so i lined a realitor and found a house and now im back at living with the inlaws, trying my best to clean and do my part. its not easy but i think you should at least of HAD a plan before moving. sounds like you just moved and you dont know what else to do. should of at least had an house or apt. lined up before you moved.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 2:23 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I think the in-laws and your parents should have not help you and your husband. Let you two stand on your own two feet. You probably wouldn't be pregnant now.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • If you are complaining about doing daily household chores, then sweetie you are too immature to even think about having another child. You have never been independent enough to run a household by yourself. You have no idea what it means to want your environment to be clean and nurturing for your family.

    Do your kids and your parents a favor. Move out and try to grow up before you make any more babies. You are just making people more miserable - your parents who are under no obligation to help you and your poor children who have no one but you to look out for their best interests.

    I guess the expression "babies having babies" was coined because of people like you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I'm sorry to hear the lack of support that your getting from our readers. However, there are some questions before I or anyone else can give advice.

    How is your moms relationship with her grandchild? If your parents can't wait to see their grandbabies then maybe you can consider going to work and asked them to take care of the babies and also pay them. They may want the extra cash to hire a house keeper. The end results you didn't make alot of money but this isn't the objective. The objective is keeping your sanity until your husband finds a full time job.

    Do you already clean but yet it's not enough? I do agree earning your keep . However, if she's taking it too far and angry each day you have a different problem. It's not what you do around the house, she is deperately looking for good reason to house your family for a short time. Possibly cooking, running errons, or just time alone with the babies. Good luck

    skrush

    Answer by skrush at 6:13 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

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