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how can i get my boyfriends daughter to listen to me?


Asked by cyndilou76 at 4:53 PM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • put aside your relationship with her father. She needs to respect you as her elder and that should be in place whether you apart of her dicipline or not. Its hard at that age when your parents are split and a new woman is with your father. Id try talking to her one and one and spending time with her just the two of you. Let her see who you really are and what your relationship with her menas to you. Talk about your insecurties, on a 9+yo level, and let her tell you hers. It should help bring you closer. Dont be a friend but a support system for her. She needs you more that you think. Im sure there are a lot of things that she cant talk to her mom about. You need to be that source to confide in. Give it time and patience. And by no means dont let her walk all over you. Show her respect and let her know that she needs to follow. Sorry for rambling! lol GL

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:01 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Obey? Do you mean obey? How old is she?

    Answer by Gailll at 5:33 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Her father needs to teach her how to respect her elders. You are the gf and therefore should have very little control over her, but she does need to respect you as an elder. Be someone she can look up to, that she can talk to when she needs someone to talk to . Don't tell what she talks to you about unless she is being harmed, she is harming someone else. ..otherwise, keep quiet. Earn her trust. Realize that she may be holding youi at arm's length because she is afraid of getting close to someone who may just not stick around.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:57 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I must respectfully disagree with the idea that she should respect you simply because you are older. But that's sort of beside the point. I think trust is probably more of an issue here. Depending on how long you and her dad been together and what kind of a relationship you have, she may not have developed trust in you yet. And if she doesn't know for certain that she can trust you, why would she listen to you? Would you automatically obey someone you don't trust? Most people wouldn't. I would suggest that you work on building a trusting relationship with her. Children are much more willing to listen when you have built a loving, healthy relationship with them. It may take a lot of time and patience on your part, but it can be done. If you are fairly certain that you and her father will be together for quite some time, it will be worth it to put the effort into building a relationship with her.

    Answer by jessradtke at 8:05 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Be quiet and listen to HER. She might think you are trying to preach to her, and that doesn't work even with your own kids.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:02 PM on Oct. 17, 2009