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WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME???

I found out my DH started cheating on me not long after he came home from Iraq. We went to counseling. I thought everything was better and he promised he'd never do it again. Well, I just found an email last night, dated 2 weeks ago to a woman on Craigslist, who was a
raunchy" whore looking for a discreet sexual relationship. He responded twice to her. When I confronted him with it, he denied it, then I showed him the email. He said that I don't make him happy anymore, that he doesn't love me anymore, that he's tired of me, and doesn't want to be with me anymore. He's the one cheating and he BLAMES ME for why he's cheating! I stood by his side and supported him while he was in Iraq. I have always been there for him and our kids. I had a baby for him because he begged me to. Now he just moved out and has left me as a single mom. I am so sick of his shit. He was NEVER like this before he got PTSD. Why is this happening to me?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • first of all let me say how sorry I am...the same thing happened to me (although mine wasn't in the military).
    I know alot of men who came back from Iraq pretty messed up so it's hard to say whether his change is from that or not. Either way, I hope he will allow the two of you to con't counseling. I went on my own when my ex wouldn't and it helped alot.
    This is going to be really hard but you can do it-no matter what the outcome. You did do it when he was away right? You are strong!! And you deserve someone who will love and stand by you no matter what.
    Surround yourself with good friends and supportive family. Take it a day at a time. Think of yourself and your baby now. You will get through this!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • He doesn't want you. Nothing you can do about it. File for divorce, custody, and support. You have experience taking care of yourself from when he was in Iraq. Move on. You can let hate consume you or let it go and start a new life, happy with your kids.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:47 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I have no family out here. I have no friends. He moved us to HIS hometown when he got out of the military. So, he put us somewhere where we have no one and know no one. We have 2 children, one is in grade school and the other is only 4 months old! My SIL says that her brother is just like this and that he'll come around, but I don't think it's fair to me that he just dispose of me and then come back to me when he feels like it. My dad used to do the same thing to my mom. My husband used to be the best, most loving, most "perfect" husband UNTIL IRAQ came along! The way I see it...MY HUSBAND DIED IN IRAQ. A STRANGER CAME HOME IN HIS PLACE!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • maybe its happening to you because your real soul mate is out there some where, and you need to go find him ...
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 6:01 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Funny thing is...I THOUGHT my husband was my soul mate. He was the best guy ever til he went to Iraq! I HATE FUCKING IRAQ!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • it happens. most men cheat bc they are unhappy at home so it didn't happen overnight. deal with it. lots of women don't understand that if they would just be nice to husbands they wouldn't have to go elsewhere. beg you to have a baby? you had a choice. don't blame that bs on him. look at it this way you can be like all the other gold diggers who hang military dudes for all the money they can squeeze out of them out of anger. so it's a win win thing. he finds happiness and you get money for your pain and suffering
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • hey anon 622...way to be supportive....nice...

    OP....this is not your fault...and you deserve much better. If you need to, pack up the kids and move back to where you have support.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I would definitely move home.

    Unfortunately, military marriages are mine fields. Even without Iraq; there's always something that puts military families in greater jeopardy than civilian families.

    Please, see a counselor. Yourself if he won't go with you.

    Is he getting help for the PTSD? If not, he NEEDS to get it. And I'd rat him out to his CO to see that he got it. Nothing to lose.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:43 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • In re: it happens. most men cheat bc they are unhappy at home so it didn't happen overnight. deal with it. lots of women don't understand that if they would just be nice to husbands they wouldn't have to go elsewhere. beg you to have a baby? you had a choice. don't blame that bs on him. look at it this way you can be like all the other gold diggers who hang military dudes for all the money they can squeeze out of them out of anger. so it's a win win thing. he finds happiness and you get money for your pain and suffering--->

    YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE SORRY ASS PIECE OF SHIT! First of all, when we got together I was and ALWAYS HAVE made THREE TIMES AS MUCH AS HE DOES! I? am colleghe educated as a NURSE! When we got together, he was a PRIVATE...OK! I was making over $2000 a month and he was BARELY making $900 a month before taxes...so it had NOTHING to do with being a gold digger. I hold THREE college degrees! What do u have?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Another thing, we have been together for 4 YEARS...and we are married and have 2 kids. I waited for my husband for a year NOT KNOWING if he'd come home in one piece or if he'd EVEN COME HOME! Have you EVER waited a year to find out if the last time you kissed your husband and watched him leave to go fight for the fucking FREEDOM OF STUPID BITCHES LIKE YOU...wondering if that would be the LAST time...or if your children would ever see their daddy again??? No, more than likely, you are some stupid whore who has a bunch of kids by different fathers. I can tell by your ignorance and mislead knowledge of how much military guys make, that you are seriously UNEDUCATED...probably barely have a GED.
    I am an EXTREMELY NICE wife and take care of my hubby and kids. It has NOTHING to do with not keeping him happy.
    And plus, MY HUSBAND ISN'T EVEN IN THE MILITARY ANYMORE. He is a civi now.
    SO UNTIL YOU KNOW SOMEONE'S SITUATU
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

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