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Why is it that so often when a natural/birth mom expresses her opinion, people feel compelled to say that you do not speak for ALL birth/natural moms?

That comment seems so silly to me. We all know that birth mothers are not all alike. There is no one person in the world who can speak for ALL birth/natural moms. Is that comment aimed to try to dismiss someone's opinion and say that it is not valid because they have not polled EVERY birth/natural mom in the world?


Asked by Southernroots at 7:17 PM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Adoption

Level 16 (2,433 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • Because it's a way to discredit us, to believe, or hope others believe, that we are the "odd" ones who have strayed from the much better accepted feelings of bmoms.

    I know I don't speak for every bmom just as every adoptee and amom doesn't speak for all either. But singling those out, who don't say what you want to hear, I think, is an easier way of shoving them in a corner, making their voices somehow less important, so that many beliefs of adoption can continue to exist without question.

    Answer by bellacocco at 3:27 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Perhaps people feel compelled to mention it because so many of the b-moms often act as though they do speak for every b-mom. They act as though every birth mom feels the same way they do or they are wrong, in denial, don't understand the situation etc.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Some birth moms do think they speak for all of us.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • I've tried time & again to make it a point of saying that my story is just story. Yet, I've been accused time & again of trying to speak for all! If I said only good grate things about adoption you better believe nobody would be saying I didnt speak for all! All the amoms would be backing me up!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • That statement is made because on here some birth moms do act as if they speak for all birth moms.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • It is dismissive, as is the statement, "I know someone who feels the exact opposite, is perfectly happy, yada, yada, yada..."


    Answer by maybe09 at 10:36 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • I think that she may be saying that it is her story, and she acknowledges that there may be others who don't share her opinion or feelings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • right. that's why when i tell my childbirth experiences i make it clear that's how it went with me and anything's possible! so far both of my labors have been completely different and 36 weeks with #3!

    Answer by mrsary at 11:37 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • I think that birthmoms on this site are representatives for some birthparents but certainly not all. I also keep that in mind about all social issues. Each person has their own unique way of thinking, feeling, and responding to situations. My thoughts about adoption are not represented best by all or even most adoptive parents. I don't fit any particular mold. My thoughts are a sum of my experiences and knowledge. I bring a unique perspective to the conversation. Just as each person brings a unique experience and perspective. All are valid but it doesn't mean that their "truth" is mine or that their situation applies to every situation. There are however common threads of experience where we can say, "Oh, it was like that for me too." And for some people there is comfort in knowing they are not alone or the only one. It doesn't mean that all aspects were exactly the same or have any threads of commonality. I take


    Answer by frogdawg at 11:43 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • what I can from some posts, apply it, and if I don't agree (or it doesn't fit my situation) - I scrap it. I have learned a lot about the mental/emotional side of adoption from many mothers on this site. It has shaped the way I view adoption and it certainly has made me think about what I want in our next adoption. It isn't easy. People want to make it simple. There is a child, child needs parents, how nice to adopt. There are other issues going on. But I will always maintain that I don't speak for all adoptive moms and I would never assume all birthparents think and feel exactly a like or have the same wants and needs when it comes to their child they placed.

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:47 AM on Oct. 18, 2009