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how d you explan to a 5 yr old that he wont see his mom for a while?

my mother just got locked up ... she has been gone for a few days ... all my siblings get whats going on expect the 5 yr old ... he was there when she was taken away but he keeps thinking that they just wanted to talk to her ... we dont know how to tell him she got locked up for a long time ...

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scared19yrold

Asked by scared19yrold at 8:53 PM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I'm so sorry. I don't know how well a 5 year old can understand that. You might ask the school counselor for some help with talking to him. It sounds like you're going to have your hands full do you have any support?? How many siblings do you have? Are you going to have any help financial or otherwise for them??

    By the way, I see you're in Gardena, I'm in San Pedro. I really think the school district may be able to point you in the direction of services and counseling that may be available to help you and all of your siblings. Please message me privately if you want to talk.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:05 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • As a foster parent, I can empathize with you. It's really hard to know for sure, but we tell our foster children (in age-appropriate language) that sometimes adults make mistakes, and Mommy has to go to school to learn how to correct them. That it's not his fault, and not to worry because she is being taken care of and you are going to take care of him until she finishes "school". If she does all her "homework", the judge will check it and tell her if she "passed the test". Whether or not he sees her is up to the judge, tell him, not you. So he doesn't think you are keeping her away. You may have to modify the details a bit to know what will work with him. I'm sorry about your mom, but glad you are able to take care of your siblings. If you have any questions, PM me anytime. Good luck!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:06 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • my girl friend had this problem, with her 3 year old and his father (whom she was no longer with but still had to explain to her son) she told her son that daddy went to grown up time out, but that grown up time out can last a lot longer than kid time out. they have to sleep there, eat there etc...until they aren't in trouble anymore. that it wasn't his (sons) fault and that when daddy was allowed to see him she would take him to see him. my daughter is 3.5 when my husband deploys (not the same thing i know, but still an extended period w/o a parent) i explain where daddy is (on the ship) that he has to live on the ship for work for a while and when he is allowed to he will come home to see her. that he misses her very much and still loves her very much even though he can't give hugs and kisses each night.
    jessil83

    Answer by jessil83 at 9:35 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Just tell him the truth. It's ok to tell kids that mom will be gone a while but then add that she'll give him a big hug when she gets home. (or something else for him to look forward to)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:50 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • You know I've been trying to figure out the same thing.

    My mom went to jail for check fraud when my daughter was 7 months old. She didn't get out until she was 15 months old. Since my daughter was a baby she didn't really remember my mom & so when she got out she just formed a bond with her like she would any other new person in her life. Well my mom & my daughter have formed a pretty tight bond over the last year & a half AND NOW my mom is probably going back to jail for paper fraud to the government. The DA is offering 15 months jail time.

    My son & my nephew are only 3 months old so they probably won't be affected by this but my daughter will be. I don't know how to explain it to her. I mean I'm certainly not taking my 2 year old to a jail.

    I want to make the transition easy for her but HOW?

    I don't know...why do our mother's put us in this situation? Why can't she be normal???

    If you wanna talk message me!
    miasmommy21407

    Answer by miasmommy21407 at 11:12 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

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