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What is your opinion about these statements concerning birthmothers and adoption?

-Adoption allows birthmothers to make amends with their families and communities. Placing their children for adoption gives birthmothers a second chance and allows them to show that they are mature enough to take responsibility for their actions . . . the birthmother believes that they will accept her and forgive her for her mistake. In addition, the birthmother feels that adoption allows her to protect herself as well as her family from the shame of single parenting.-

-Choosing adoption enables birthmothers to see themselves in compassionate,noble and heroic terms, righting the wrong and correcting the mistake of their unplanned pregnancies.-

-She fulfills her need to see herself as a good mother and can accept the pain of relinquishment. In this way, she transforms the agony of the entire story into a redemptive experience where she becomes a heroine in her own eyes and the eyes of others.-


Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 PM on Oct. 17, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (35)
  • "I don't know how I can feel good as an adoptive mom that people are being trained to say and view birthmothers in such a way. I don't like it."

    None of us - adoptee, birth parent, adoptive parent, prospective adoptive parents should be okay with any part of the adoption triad being displayed in less than favorable ways. And yet, you will find just this sort of thing in many of the public sites and written materials of agencies and lobbying groups.

    Prospective adoptive parents are not spoken highly of either in the training materials of many agencies. Everything is focused on how all of us are so terribly wounded and hurting and that only through their "professional" services can any of us have a chance at a happy life.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 10:22 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Personally I think deciding to give up a child for an adoption if you know you cant parent it for whatever reason is a very unselfish loving choice. I didnt like the statement though that said it will remove shame from her family and being a single parent. I know some single parents who are more loving and better at parenting then some 2 parent homes.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:24 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • The first statement makes the mother sound like a criminal. The other two make her sound immature and self-centered.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:31 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Adoption, abortion, preganacy why does everyone dwell on thsi subject that is so personal?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • Sounds like a load of out dated horse shit to me.

    Answer by randi1978 at 11:57 PM on Oct. 17, 2009

  • I tend to agree with Randi1978. Sounds like some of the blather that one might find on an adoption agency's site...none of which I believe to be true. I would be concerned about any expectant mom considering adoption that THOUGHT these things were true.

    Maybe it comes from the infant adoption awareness program? I am curious as to the source.

    Answer by Southernroots at 2:59 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Yuck

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Disgusting. These statements paint the young / single mother as some sort of pariah that is out to destroy her family and community.

    It's an attempt to SHAME her, plain and simple. This is abusive and cruel.

    Answer by maybe09 at 10:40 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • BTW, she is stil the baby's mother, adoption or not. She will still give birth, produce breast milk and bonding hormones that will forever link her to her baby. Adoption can never change that, no matter how hard society tries to pretend otherwise.

    Answer by maybe09 at 10:42 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • "Adoption, abortion, preganacy why does everyone dwell on thsi subject that is so personal?"

    If you look, this is the adoption section of Q&A. They are dwelling on food over in the food section, and on relationships over in the relationships section. I see a pattern.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Oct. 18, 2009