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DH and In-Laws

I just had a baby and am thrilled about it. Issues with my DH and my mom and step dad have been long standing for 12 years and with the birth of the baby, it's been magnified. It's gotten to the point where DH wants to move away and not live so close by. My folks want to see the baby and us as often as they can, but DH can't be in the same room with them. I also have a hard time saying no to my family and had been unaware how I had been putting them first above my mate. He literally stresses ands gets sick when he knows they are coming. I admit to seeing and feeling the tension ,when they are here and our home is tiny (one bedroom in NYC with no privacy if DH wants to go in another room for a break. My real Dad, never pushes to come over and is very respectful and just allows us to ask him to come over (DH happens to have a very nice relationship with my father, unlike my mom and step dad). That is our biggest challenge

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on Oct. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • You visit with your mom and step father when dh is at work

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Why don't they get along?  Thats something I would need to have resolved, period.  Get everyone together and talk out the issue(s).  So what would it mean to put him first?  To not see your family at all?  That sounds wrong to me.  I would rather have everything talked about and resolved rather than to just move away.  And to be honest, he sounds like a bit of a drama queen.  Getting sick just because they are coming over?  Oh come on.


    Answer by Katrina3016 at 2:09 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • No, it is stress what your husband feels. I get a rash all over my body when my in-law come over and they have an "issue." My doctor can't explain it, and it only happens with them. I am allergic to my in-laws:) My husband chose me, and I think you should chose your spouse too. Talk to him, or you already have about what makes him comfortable vs. not. Is it ok to have your parents over even when he is not home? Lay ground rules Etc. Now, my husband sees why I feel this way and will not even allow his sisters to touch our children, or be apart of our lives because of who and what they are. We no longer attend family functions, unless they will not be there. We had to these past few day due to a death in their family (you should see the red flaky bleeding rash! GROSS!!!!) But choose your husband is all I'm saying. He is yours for a lifetime.........


    Answer by momofcali3 at 6:24 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Don't talk it out.......or do. Kinda sound like his in-laws might be pushy. Remember not everyone grew up in a tight-knit family, so space is key. If he wants to move, give it a go. Sounds like you could use the extra space anyways. You two have been at it for 12 years..........I think you will be fine. But I wish you luck :)

    Answer by momofcali3 at 6:29 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

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