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any advice on helping/enabling an adult child (26) who has become homeless?

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frannie4

Asked by frannie4 at 11:39 AM on Oct. 18, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (6)
  • Depends on the situation: If he has a drug or alcohol problem I would send him to rehab. If he has anger issues I would get him an anger management counselor. If he is drug free & not a danger to anyone Give him a place to stay, But tell him he must be out each day at 8am not back until 3 pm So in this time he can look for a job. Ask him each week, (NOT daily that would be to annoying), how is job hunt is going. Give him a time limit to find a job and find a place of his own, like 1 year. Also he should have responsibilities like mowing the lawn, cooking, doing laundry etc.. Set rules and stick to them, if he breaks the rules he is out. Be loving/supportive, but firm.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 11:58 AM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Ditto, my mom made the mistake of only requiring my older sister to pay rent. And she got away with doing nothing, including not caring for her child. He learned to just ask Grandma. She is doing better now that she isn't living with my mom. You have to set limits and stick to them or else you are just hurting and enabling thus making him dependant on you instead of independent.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 4:19 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • there is a diff b/w helping and enabeling. It all depends on why he is now homeless etc. At the very least set some controls: you need to pay ___ towards rent elec. etc.etc. and help out by ____________. You can stay for _________ amount of time. BUT please respect our space and boundaries by not __________
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 6:32 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Thank you all for your responses. It's my daughter who has put herself in this homeless/jobless/no car situation. She has been out on her own for a year (in and out with me in the past). I've realized how enabling I've been for her while she's made poor choices. This past year, I've learned how to say no and remove support (money mainly) and have not let her stuff be my stuff - but have been able to enjoy loving her at the same time. Now...she didn't plan well to move somewhere else after her lease was up, was staying with a friend and decided to quit her job, went to Cali for a weekend because she had already paid for a plane ticket she had no business buying....the friend told her she had to leave, and she's finding out no friends want to help her. I think their tired of her using them. She hasn't had a car or license for a while due to a DUI. So...there's part of my book - I've run out of characters. :}
    frannie4

    Answer by frannie4 at 11:49 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Consider this:
    1. Will this child help you when they get a job?
    2. Who do you have to DEPEND upon when the time comes, IF you were in the same situation?
    3. How much do you love this child?
    4. Is family important to you? If so, how much and whom all is impotant?
    5. Can you trust this child, fully & completely?

    Then I would decide my answer. Parents have many different reasons for being the kind of parent they are to their children, grwn or not. From experience, I would let my son back in and have done so MANY times. He is age 28 now. He did, was forced to do so by his Dad, find a place for shelter and is doing lots better than I thought for to be on his own and without a job at this time. Now this wouldn't work if it were our Daughter. Go by their personnalities and way of life that you got them used too.
    ChristianMom77

    Answer by ChristianMom77 at 12:11 PM on Oct. 21, 2009

  • all u can do step in and try be a mom for them
    Just-tina03

    Answer by Just-tina03 at 11:26 PM on Oct. 26, 2009

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