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How do i get my husband to understand how important it is to her?

My daughter has her 4th grade performance tommorrow (monday) and my husband has never been to one ever in all her years of school. And now my son is in school too. My daughter every year begs him to go. And every year he tells her he worked all day he just doesn have the energy he just wants to relax when he gets home from work. He wont do any of the parent type events at school. On friday its donuts with dad where the father goes and has breakfast at school with their child. it costs like a buck for donuts milk juice (and muffins and someother stuff too im just not sure what) and he wont go. He refuses to go and I am so tired of hearing my dd cry becuase her daddy wont come see her. She works really hard to learn her lines and the parts that shes assigned. I go to all performances and take lots of pictures. How do i get him to understand how much hes hurting her by not going? Yeah i understand hes tired but damn!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Oct. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • Ask him if he knows how much he's hurting her. Tell him about her crying because he won't go. If that doesn't work, have HER tell him how much it hurts her feelings that he's ignoring her.
    debra_benge

    Answer by debra_benge at 12:36 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • That's really terrible. My dad wasn't around when I was little, but on the very few occassions he was, he came to my plays, concerts, silly school things. I don't know how else you could tell him besides tell him that he's not living up to his role as her father by not participating in these things. Good luck, i feel for your daughter.
    Wheepingchree

    Answer by Wheepingchree at 12:36 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • My mom AND dad were always too tired or too busy to come to my recitals and things at school. It's a shame parents do that bc when parents get old and have time and want to be with the kids, the kids have no time for them. Karma is a b. Some men just won't give on school things for kids. It's a hard lesson to learn at such a young age but maybe she's learning a valuable lesson about her dad now and it will be easier on her when she gets older. oh yeah, tell him I think he's a selfish jerk.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:45 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • That is horrible. I still have a slightly bitter feeling when I remember the last high school concert I performed in--neither of my parents went. My mom was mad at me & wouldn't go & my dad just followed her lead.

    Maybe you could have your DD's teacher call your DH & explain things a bit. DH might listen to an "authority." Maybe you could get the school principal involved. I would also refuse to make excuses for DH. If he is tired, then he has to explain to DD why he won't attend. Good luck & I hope for his sake he pulls his head out of his you-know-what & realizes that he better make good use of the time now b/c in a few years, DD won't want him around at all.
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 12:50 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • My dad was like that, it started with choir performances but it continued as I got older. He didnt come to my graduation party, military graduation, or even my wedding.

    My dad and I are not on good terms. Infact we didnt speak for almost 3 years!
    sk_tennyson

    Answer by sk_tennyson at 1:20 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • I am sorry your husband is such a dumbass. Unless he wants your daughter to be swinging around a pole in a G string for a living, making money off of male attention while at the same time filling a void that he is helping to create, tell him to get off his selfish, lazy ass. Sorry to be so blunt, but that really makes me mad and sad for your daughter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Oops, baby helping me type LOL.

    I would try to explain to him how it hurts her feelings. I would also had her write a letter to him about how it makes her feel.
    sk_tennyson

    Answer by sk_tennyson at 1:22 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • let him know it's super important to her and his missing out on a great experience. And if he won't go go without him including donuts for dads and take pictures of you having a great time.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 3:59 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Tell him he needs to go. It's not a choice, everyone is going.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • I am sorry he is being that way. My husband is great about going to school and activities for our son but he does not help out around the house at all.

    I know you are not Dad but are you able to Step in for him? Your child will also remember you were there.

    Big Hugs
    Shiloh76

    Answer by Shiloh76 at 5:05 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

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