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Do you think that maybe my ex is trying to deflect... cause I don't have the problems he is telling me I have?

In the past he has told me that my dad ignores me and my mom talks over me, then he told me that I am too close too my parents, that my umbelical cord is still attached and that I would probably get with my dad if I had the chance. Yesterday he called my dad a f'in abusing a**hole and told me that my daddy's issues fill him. I am close with my dad and always have been, and my ex denies it even though he wouldn't know because was only around my dad like 5 times... he says that I have all these problems because of my parents and that I need to deal with them. I do have an anger problem but it is not against my parents, they did the best they could. He was really strict about not letting my son do this and that... my friend told me yesterday that his mom wasn't there for him when he was sick because she was paying more attention to his brother and that his dad would drag him out into a cold car in the morning and that I should...

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Oct. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • cont. - do the same with my son. He always seemed jealous of my love for my son. My ex had a mental breakdown before and he's an alcoholic but here will sit here and tell me all these hurtful things about how people don't really care about me and that I need help for my problems, that he is happy and dealing with his just fine. He makes his parents sound perfect but for some reason, I think he is hiding it... he did say he got beat up and picked on a lot as a child. His parents have only came to visit him 3 times since he moved away in 2 1/2 years.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Cont. - Oh yeah, when he was younger, his dad use to drink behind his mother's back... he said his parents have never fought but that his dad would keep this from her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Do a 4th step. Why does it bother YOU? You can only change you. You can only have control over your OWN actions and words, not his. Why bother deciphering HIM when YOU must look at YOU


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • I think it he is your EX for this reason, and probably many more, why give him the time of day? Who cares what he thinks anyway, I would just igonore him and concentrate on my self and my DS-good luck1

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:17 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • OP HERE - Because he constantly tells me over and over again that I have problems, that I need help, that I am this and that and that it's my parents fault. Words coming from someone you love hurts, he is so mean about it... I just wanna understand why he is doing this to me, if he is just reaching out because something happened to him as a child. His reasoning for wanting to be with me is because he wants to help me, because he loves me... I don't have a flippin problem like he says and that is not a reason to be with someone in my opinion, at least not the only reason to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Thank you Kimi... good point about why he is my ex... I don't need to take his abuse anymore. I guess I was just curious.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • If and when you do a 4th step (maybe through Al-Anon) you will see your patterns of behavior and then you can decide if you have those problems or not.  Most likely he IS giving you his own "inventory" and really talking about himself, but if it's bothering you so much, maybe a little is true?  If you don't do the work for yourself, you will always wonder if he's being truthful.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Counselling for yourself is never a bad thing. That way you can be heard though a neutral source that can help you sort out these things. A good therapist well take you on a journey and trust me you come out all the better person.


    Answer by pnwmom at 4:26 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Op here - I actually don't think counseling is a bad idea... I think I mainly need to go because of him... with all the verbal abuse he has put me through, it could help me become a more secure, self loving and happy person which I was before I met him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

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