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We are hoping to adopt another African American child and it can be semi open or open. We have done foster to adopt and a private adoption. Adoption is getting very expensive and we would like to find a birth mother and work with her ourselves. We can pay some expenses, attorney fees, etc. We just don't want to go into debt or borrow from our family. Thanks for any advice .

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on Oct. 18, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • Just keep doing foster care! You'll find someone. That is how our neighbors found all of her children. She still fosters and is done adopting, but seriously, that's how she was able to adopt her children without going through and agency which I don't think that's what she wanted to do anyway, so it was just the bmom, the county, and the judge. It was pretty cut and dry.

    Answer by Steff107 at 11:38 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • You are in good company, isnt just about every PAP on here hoping for the same thing.

    Domestic adoption can be very expensive.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • If you have done foster care to adopt, remember that you most likely can do "Straight Adopt" thru the foster care program for "legal-risk" children or for children whose parents' rights have already been terminated and are available for adoption, if you aren't wanting to foster any longer, but still want to adopt. It seems that if you have gone thru foster care (least expensive) and private (domestic? more expensive) that you already know the ins and out of both of these more than many moms on here already (including me). Good luck!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 4:46 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • We did carry some debt with our adoption. The only thing I can say is that there is no inexpensive way around this process. We also did a transracial adoption and have been blessed with raising our son. We are in a situation where foster/adoption would be more expensive for us than private domestic adoption. Who would have thunk it? It kills me we are not in a position to do foster care or fost/adopt.

    Answer by frogdawg at 3:50 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Frogdawg, how is that possible? Foster care more expensive than private? If you don't mind sharing...

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 6:04 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • Yeah, when you have to do 20,000 worth of home updates it is more for us. We have an older home and have to replace every door and window in our home. We also are required to Finnish our unfinnished daylight basement. It may end up being more than 20. We can do a private infant adoption for less than 4000.

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:19 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • frogdawg-Wow! It might cost less to move, LOL!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:26 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • We looked into fost-adopt in our previous town in Kansas. It was a long time ago, but it runs in my mind that one parent would have been required to be at home full-time. I did quit my job to stay home with our daughter (who we adopted through private domestic infant), but didn't feel comfortable doing so when it could just be a temporary placement. We wanted to possibly go that route, but felt that what was being asked of us was more than what we could do. We never got far enough into it to find out if we would have had to make changes to our home.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:31 PM on Oct. 20, 2009

  • I am not complaining about the updates. The fire code has changed since the 1960's when the home was built. And we do plan to update the windows, doors, and locks. And we plan on completing the basement. We just can't get it all done in the time frame foster care would require. Which would obviously be before the child came to our home. Understandable. It is no unsafe but it is not up to code. And all of our electric sockets have to be turned around. New standard is the tiny prong goes up. We have it done the old schoool way. So....I would love to do foster/adopt but it is very expensive for us right now. We honestly have thought of just moving. Then problem solved. But with the housing market the way it is right now we would not only take a loss it could be a long time before our house was even sold. Its a bit like being between a rock and hard place.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:54 AM on Oct. 21, 2009

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