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I need some advice?

My husband and I have been married almost 7 years. There has been a speculation that he has another child and I have known that ever since me and him got married. We have four children now and it has been really bothering him that he does know not if it is his or not and that if the child is his it bothers him because the child is not with him. I know it hurts him but every time I try to talk to him about it he gets really emotional and mad. He takes it out on my and his kids. He apologizes for it later on but it still hurts me and the kids that he acts this way. I told my husband that we will take it to court and get a paternity test done. But then again he does not want to disturb him if he is happy with his family now because he is 12 years old. The boys mother lost custody to him and he is now staying with his grandparents. What should we do? How should I deal with my husbands emotions? Please help me, thanks.

 
clong83

Asked by clong83 at 11:13 PM on Oct. 18, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • you should do thr paternity test. hes not with parents . he might not even know who is his father.. and your kids at the moment could add more to his life.
    if he was with his mother and had a step dad and didnt even suspect such a thing i would say leave it alone. but adding a parent to his life that he could possibly stay wiht could be exciting...
    and i would so it before the teenage years claim him.
    jlouise03

    Answer by jlouise03 at 11:20 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • you need to let HIM decide. my dh is kind of going through this, but he's on the other end. his bio dad wanted nothing to do with him when he was younger, and now 20yrs later, does. after finding out that his bio dad abandoned him but stayed with his bio sisters he's hurt, jealous, and every other emotion you can think of. he doesn't know what to think.

    when i was younger, my mom wasn't there either, then when i was 10, she wanted to come back into me and my sis's lives and we were happy about that.

    i think it's easier to come back into someone's life when they're younger, so if he does decide to, then do it quickly
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • Man, this is a tough one. . . Well i think that he has guilt feelings that he has another child somewhere else, and i think when you bring up the situation continuously it just makes him feel even more bad, and that makes him upset that he doesn't know how to control his anger so he takes it out on everyone.

    As for the paternity test, its his choice. He has to make that decision and decide whether or not he wants to be in the child's life. the best thing you can do is respect his decision and support him.
    navajomama7

    Answer by navajomama7 at 11:51 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • he needs to srt out his feelings. look at it lie this: you go to have your baby, doc tells you baby is dead, but years later you see a child wth your face, iagine the feelings ad thoughts that might go realing through you as you try to grasp this. he is feeling guilt because he's there for your kids together but never got the paternity test done, and because so much time has passed he's hurt that he let his ego get in the way. just be supportive! don't push the issue, but let him know that you'll stand by him no matter what. he needs to sort through his feelings, concerns, and insecurities in his own time. you push him into something he's not mentally ready for he mau fall apart. men are not engineered like women and need more space than we do when it comes to matters of the heart. but bottom line, all of you nee to know for sure for the simple matter of inharited diseases, ect., not to mention easing his conscience! good luck
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 11:54 PM on Oct. 18, 2009

  • I forgot to mention earlier that it is not me who brings this situation up. It is always him and he is always asking me what he should do. I just don't know what to do anymore when he takes his feelings out on us when he is the one who brings up this situation.
    clong83

    Answer by clong83 at 7:28 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • If it gets to him that bad. Have him get a paternity test. See If he could have joint custody or at least visitation rights. But you all have to work through this together. And make sure you talk to your four kids as well first.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:08 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

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