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Big Decision, Any ideas? Im I over my head or could I do right by him?

well this may take a few boxes to explain but I really could use some advice...I am 20 years old and mother of an 18 month old. this last summer I had my 2nd cousin (my cousins son) because the mother could not handle him, hes disrespectful and a very troubled 15 year old, I know hes not all bad when I had him we had a few issuses but nothing huge or unsolveable, he helped me out more then hes helped anyone but he also gave me a few headaches. He has hard a harder life, his parents (forgive me his dad is a worthless peice of crap who never has or never will amount to anything a bad influence and has done nothing but hurt his son hes my cousin so I know) his mom has not always been there either, shes now trying to get back and I have an opinion about her too, but she has been trying I think the damage has already been done though, she was a bad drunk most of his life, and hasnt ever really been the mom she shouldve been cont.

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mommyy0920

Asked by mommyy0920 at 2:15 AM on Oct. 19, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Needless to say the poor kid has problems, especially at school, actually thats 90% of all of his problems, and why he has problems at home, because of school, he has no respect for the tesachers or his peers, period, he walks around for any reason if someone says something mean to him, or makes fun of him or teachers asking him to do something he doesnt understand hes a clown and bully, with a very bad mouth, calling people jews and n*gg*rs and calling girls sluts and hoes, cursing his teachers f*ck you and so on... where I live (its its own ghetto, I have no problems because I dont know anyone or talk to anyone here) unfortantly as bad as it makes me sound, where I live (townhouse and apt community) has alot of drugs and violence among young teens especially over the summer when he was here (he got to see the entire aftermath) there were 2 teens shot a few buildings down from me. cont.
    mommyy0920

    Answer by mommyy0920 at 2:24 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Am awaiting your continuation .... but initial thoughts after parts 1 and 2 are:

    private school via scholarship
    ride along program with local cops
    gang prevention program
    big brother program
    boys and girls club
    martial arts class
    art class
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 2:28 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • so my fear is that he comes here goes to school with teens that live in the same community and has problems with some kids that it follows him home and something terrible were to happen like he gets hurt, or my home and car are in danger, which I feel bad for saying... He not into drugs or like egging people houses or "tagging" hes not a physical fighter atleast with kids his own age, he does have problems when it comes to his younger brother, and my newphew (8) he's basically abused his brother not getting along but he has wrestled with my nephew and it was fun and games until he was too rough...So his mom has asked if I would consider taking him for good basically, and say I am the only person (because no one else will even consider taking him in) and that she thinks we would do better by him hes acting out again and she cant take it shes trying to be sober and take care of her youngest (who has problems 10x worse cont
    mommyy0920

    Answer by mommyy0920 at 2:41 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Does he WANT to stay with u? If yes and you're willing to do it, consider sitting down w/ a counselor to write a contract

    school
    rules
    attitude
    homework
    expectations
    getting a job to stay outta trouble....
    curfews, punishments, etc
    etc etc etc
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 2:50 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • then *bubba* because of mental problems and medical problems) and shes taking care of someone elses toddler (has custody and all) I think on her new sober road shes trying to start over shes kinda faild her two oldest children *bubba* has an older sister. Anyway the SO and I are thinking about it and everyone thinks he needs to go to juvenille or boys home, and I just dont think that would do him any good, I think it'd make him worse I know I cant change him and the school thing is going to be an issuse, but I know that what the SO and I can provide him with no one else seems to, I know there are programs out there that may help him, like the young marines, and other structure programs, finding one wont be easy, and finding one free or very little cost is going to be nearly impossible, but they do exist! I understand it will be more strapped finance wise but I think we could swing it am I over my head? any tips or comments?
    mommyy0920

    Answer by mommyy0920 at 2:53 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • I think if I could find a school in our district with a teacher and counsler with good rep for being strong with kids with his issuses and getting him started with that will help, not many teachers in our area are good with kids with issuses that I know of, it seems the district just pawns them off from one place to another til they are in juvenille. and jail. any idea on how to find these things? do I just ask a teacher or principle?
    mommyy0920

    Answer by mommyy0920 at 3:00 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • So let me get this straight. Your cousin, who messed up this poor kid, doesnt want to fix what she f*@ked up because its too stressful on her recovery? Wow! If I was that kid, I'd have problems too.
    He needs conseling. Maybe a boys club after school. Firm, but fair rules. Consistancy and someone who will show him what family really is about. If you provide those things, then he should mature and straighten out a little.
    momsbreak5654

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 5:28 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • At 20 years old that is too much for you to handle. Take care of your own child right now. Are you on welfare?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 AM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • perhaps public school isn't right for him. He's 15.... how about online highschool nearly ALL school districts offer one these days. School in the AM, a job and activities in the PM. therapy/counseling. A mentor and tutoring program.... get him motivated and inspired for better things, like studying for drivers exam after he's done well for 90 days or so. Reward good choices and keep him busy.
    I think you could do it, OP.... but it's quite a commitment and a lot of extra work for you getting him on track.
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:35 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • after describing your area and the kids he'd be attending school with, I think talking with a principal is the LAST thing u should do. IMO in you put an already damaged kid into a damaged school full of damaged kids.... you will not like the end result.

    Have him bussed to a better area
    homeschool/tutor/homestudy
    Free online highschool
    private school (scholarship)
    an alternative school of some kind
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:38 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

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