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For those who have been married 20+ years...

How have you managed to do it? Have you ever strayed or wanted to have an affair? Has your husband? If not, why not? HOw do you keep things new and keep wanting to be with him even though you've been together for so long? I've only been married 2.5 years but our new baby has brought a lot of stress into our lives and Ifind it hard on our marriage at times. We both work full-time and with a baby it's like we don't have enough time for each other...

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Oct. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I've been married 17 years. We go through many different stages. When my first son was born it was very stressful. We fought a lot then. Now it's the best it's ever been. We realize there is no point to fighting and we're in this together. We've grown much closer through the years. My husband has mellowed a lot. Things that used to set him off just don't any more. We also both work and with 3 kids we don't spend a lot (actually hardly any) time together. Sometimes I worry when the kids are grown what we will talk about together.

    Answer by mompam at 3:55 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • I've been married 22 years and it's never easy because we're two different individuals. We love each other and have a common goal in mind but sometimes we get sidetracked from that goal due to day to day life but somehow we manage to hold it together.

    We've argued in the past but after 22 years, you learn each learn when to keep your mouth shut and when to speak up. With the respect we have for one another, we understand when there's silence between us...that came from years of ups and downs...learning one another, growing together...accepting his flaws and trying NOT to let him see me being the perfect little princess! LOL...Laughter, communication has been the key to our successful marriage...but I will be honest and tell you that despite our focus, he still gets on my nerves. I don't think that will ever change!

    Good luck

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:28 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • I've been married 21 years.  Right now you are probably in the most busy and stressful stage of your marriage.  Looking after young children is expensive, demanding, stressful and exhausting.  You aren't going to feel sexy or in the mood very often and it is going to take understanding and effort from both of you.  Date nights (or days) are so important because it allows you to spend time together as a couple. It doesn't have to be expensive, a walk in park or a drive in the country works just as well as dinner and a movie. 


    Answer by beeky at 5:43 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Con't...

    The good news is that as the children grow older and more independent, it gives you more freedom as a couple to indulge in those common interests that you have cultivated.  It's like hanging out with your best friend again.

    To keep your dh from straying, don't let sex become routine and don't be afraid to try new things.  One of the things that keeps my dh faithful (by his own admission) is that I'm still unpredictable, even though he knows so well.


    Answer by beeky at 5:55 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Been married for 38 years, we both know how we feel about straying, there is no forgiveness or going back, not tolerated would be a deal breaker. We keep things fresh rearanging routines, unexpected advances, anticipation with words and messages.
    Having a new baby is stressful in any relationship,this is a real test for it. Find ways to make time just for him, plan ahead, make it exciting. Marriage and a good one takes work, compromising and lots of love!

    Answer by older at 7:37 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

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