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Could you date someone knowing they've committed a crime?

Ive been talking to this guy for a while now. Most amazing guy Ive ever met. Gorgeous, very intelligent, knows what he wants, etc. Hes like Mr. perfect!! Well today he dropped a bomb on me. When he was little, his mother was with a man who was raping and beating her. So he stabbed him and he bled to death. The courts ruled it as self defense and its not on his record. Personally I see that he was defending his mother. He feels terrible about it, and you can see that it bothers him. Hes a good church boy and is very sweet. What would you think about that? Could you date someone whos been through someone like that?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Oct. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Something like that, I would not hold against him. Depending on how old he was at the time and what kind of crime it was, I may or may not date someone with a criminal history. Getting busted for drugs in high school , while not ideal, is not something I'd hold against a 30 yr old man whose gone to college and clearly done better things with his life since then. Someone convicted of rape, at any age, is someone I would not go anywhere near.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:28 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • I once married a guy who told me about some horrible stuff that happened and his "only way out" ending. Well, I got the police records after I filed for divorce. He lied. He told me half the truth. He was actually a horrible criminal.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • Well, the story seems virtuous, but you have to wonder if he has anger issues or violent tendencies. Even when someone has done something heinous to a relative, how many go so far as to kill them? Not many.
    danielp

    Answer by danielp at 4:31 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • He really likes you... he wants you to know this now so you can either except it and love him or leave him.

    Some things may happen in our lives that we don't want to... sometimes we find ourselves in that "wrong time, wrong place" position.

    For me, it would depend on what he did, whether he did it on purpose or not and whether he told me the truth or not... maybe... kinda hard to say.

    GL
    ProudMom_5703

    Answer by ProudMom_5703 at 4:38 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • My husband committed a LOT of minor crimes when he was younger. His dad's an alcoholic and was drunk all the time, and his mom was absent due to mental illness. So he was on his own every night. He skipped a lot of school, did drugs, drank, vandelized, stole... he was a little thug. But it's in the past.

    That, though, probably has a lot of emotional baggage attached to it. That's okay if you don't mind working it out... but the handsome, damaged boy isn't always as romantic and wonderful as it seems. Ask him how he feels about it and if he thinks it affects his everyday life.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 4:41 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • ***********He has and currently goes to counceling for it. He knows he did wrong, and he does a lot to give back to the community live volunteer, willingly.....etc***********
    Sierra_Mistress

    Answer by Sierra_Mistress at 4:44 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • It seems like a good story but you never really know unless you check it out yourself. I was with a guy once who told me that he'd done time for defending his cousin's children and tried to stop this cousin from buying drugs with them in the car. Turns out, he was fighting with his cousin in the car and had basically taken off in it, with those children still in it, had an accident because he was drunk and driving erratically. My advice is to be careful and look into that kind of thing before you do anything or get really involved.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • and he could be lieing about the whole thing to make him look big and bad, my said he was in prison for beating up a guy beyond recognition so i did a back ground check and it came up clean then brought up that hey you lied whyy..he couldnt give me an answer
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • I have several times but never will again. The thing is that no one who is emotionally stable, especially as a child will stab a man to death. The scars and baggage from that are life long and I'd fear the rest of my life he wouldn't do it to me or my children. No way. I've dated enough men like that to know that chances are you're being told a big old bunch of bs or half truth.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

  • If the story is 100% true, I would have more respect for him and would not 'hold' it against him. I would wonder about the effects of his emotional baggage on me and the relationship and kids, though. Check out his story..... It may or may not be all true. I could kill someone in defense of my self or my child. I do not think of myself as violent or 'cracked'. Some mothers never leave a violent man and allow all kinds of harm to come to their child. That is far far worse than what he did, if the story is accurate.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Oct. 19, 2009

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